#16: NO MORE No-More-Carbs! (Also known as Challenge #1 COMPLETE!)

Thank Jesus. 

I remember about 4 days into this month thinking that the end would never come. But it did. REJOICE!!!

Overall, I would say that this Challenge wasn't as hard as I made it. That's not quite the right way to explain it ... the challenge of eating low-carbs in and of itself was not hard. But sticking to something when I got bored of it, sticking to something so that I could say i was a total success, sticking it out when I was feeling sad/upset/bored/any other emotion I usually manage with food, was what was difficult. And, if I'm being honest, I could have done better. 


I did learn some good information about food and your body's intake/management of food. I think there are some great permanent changes coming from this 30-Day Challenge. I expect to be eating a more balanced diet, making healthier options overall, to care about what I put in my body, and to notice how my body/mind/energy feels and acts after I put said things into it. That's a great plus from these 30(31) days. 


Down side is that I didn't stick it all the way out. I indulged over the past 3-4 days on more than the 20 allotted grams of carbohydrates. I didn't "stick it out to the very end" which is something I really need to do to feel accomplished. And I could have done it. I don't know if it's because I lost focus, I subconsciously didn't want the success, I was afraid of being successful, I simply lack will-power (which is clear, but is that ALL it was or is that a great excuse?). 


The great thing is that I have another chance starting tomorrow. And I'd like to see myself stick it all the way out. It's important to me, after this month's experience, that I run full-speed all the way thru the finish line and not start trotting or walking or race-walking (a reference for some of you 80s geeks) as I see it approaching. 

CHALLENGE #1 - FINAL GRADE: B

It's on to February now. As a reminder, Challenge #2 is cardio and/or strength training 6 days each week. The important rules of the Challenge are:
1. 6 days each week, with 1 rest day
2. 30+ minutes per workout to count it
3. 2+ days of strength and 3+ days of cardio/week
4. Find some variety


This is no joke. It seems like it's a nothing task to do something you don't normally do for just 30 days. It's only a month for goodness sake. But doing anything you don't want to do with any amount of gusto is hard. I faked it a lot and it showed. I half-assed it a lot and that showed too. If I was really going hard, I would have gone hard. I'm committed to these Challenges and the motivation behind doing them. So if I'm committed to that, I need to commit to doing them as a committed person, with commitments. 


I congratulate myself for getting it done and for not failing at it. 


I am hopeful for an improved performance next go 'round. 


Here's to carbs (tomorrow, of course)!!

#15: Healthy Eating is a Thing of the Past ... Almost

Only 2 days to go!!!

I've actually been having some internal pain since Thursday night so I've been inactive, bored, feeling cooped up, etc. My reaction to that has NOT been, as I would have suspected, to eat myself out of house and home for lack of anything more entertaining to do. Part of that may be that it was my oldest's birthday on Friday which meant 8- 14 years olds going to see the Harlem Globetrotters (which they loved) and then to Underworld Awakening (which they also loved) but which required me to be up and at em and out and about. And therefore, in pain. 

I did try to stay laid up as much as possible yesterday but at some point I was so over being immobile and in one place that I thought I was going to pull my hair out. So how did I entertain my need to do something? Go get take out. We went to a local BBQ joint and I decided that because I was only 3 days from the end of this no-carb thing, and because I was so annoyed with being cooped up, that I was going to try some carbs and see if I could manage myself. I ordered catfish with hush puppies and cole slaw. It was good, but not amazing. Not worth the carbs, honestly. And I did NOT feel good afterwards. I will have to see how I manage re-introducing carbs to my body because if this was any indication, I won't be going very close to them very often. 

Altho, to be fair, it was corn meal on the catfish and corn meal in the hush puppies. Corn meal isn't exactly high on the good-for-me carb list. If nothing else, maybe this is an indication that I won't be going very close to crap-carbs since they make me feel like ... well, crap. (Hence the cleverly titled type of carbs.)

But I took to heart the way I felt yesterday after eating that and decided I'd make a better-for-me, low-carb breakfast of jalapeño beef sausage, eggs and cheddar cheese scramble. And I got the meat out for dinner - pork spare ribs with a Memphis rub on them. YES!!! Who cares what we're having with them, really. 

And after this, only two more days. 6 more meals. Not that I'm planning to take a biscuit-filled bath on Wednesday morning or anything, but you know ... just being told that I can't have something really makes me want the hell out of it!! I should probably tell myself I can't have a cute body, a successful career and a fat bank account and - POOF! - I'd be that banging body, high roller, Boss Lady. 

So thinking about Wednesday and the new challenge, I'm realizing that if I don't get this pain figured out, I'm gonna fail on DAY ONE. So, on tomorrow's agenda is the doctor. My friends will be so proud - I hateHATEhate going to the doctor. They either tell me that they have no idea what the problem is, or they  tell me I have some thing that's uncommon and I just have to live with it. 

Tomorrow is also a lot of evening errands and activities with Miss Maya, The Princess, and Sir Antonio, The Dog which means I have to plan ahead on food or I will end up eating some drive-thru concoction that makes me feel horribly afterward. See? I'm learning. 

Oh, and Tuesday is The Toddler/The Queen of it All's 3rd birthday. And The Nephew's basketball game. So, again, planning ahead will be really important. And then, YES!, it will be Wednesday. And not that planning ahead and thinking about what's going in my body won't be important, but it won't be something I will feel total guilt over because of the Challenge. 

#14: Lists, Lists, Lists

Thank you LORD I am now 80% of the way through this month. And that means two BIG things:

#1: I can consume all the carbs I desire, and 

#2: I need a February CHALLENGE!

What makes me even more excited about this is that it means LISTS. WootWoot. So I've been thinking a lot about what both of those things mean. Let's start carbs. 

#1 

I'm definitely missing SOME carb intake. I don't have any interest in regularly gorging on carbs because they don't make me feel good, my body turns them into fat in 2.6 seconds, and they generally just don't have any redeeming nutritional quality. Well, at least not the ones that I'm missing. 

The "FEBRUARY+" Plan:

I plan to eat whatever I want, including carbs. I plan to eat them in moderation. I plan to eat 20-40g of carbs daily which is still considered "Low Carbs." I plan to make sure that 90% of the carbs I eat are complex and therefore healthier. And when I want something on the simple carb/not healthy list, I will eat a small amount to satisfy the craving and move on. My post-January diet will get to include:

• Whole wheat and corn tortillas, whole grain breads, brown & wild rices
• Fresh fruit, fresh squeezed fruit juice and dried fruit
• Milk, yogurt and ANY cheese!
• Black, brown & refried beans (yay!!)
• Potatoes, but more importantly sweet potatoes
• Dark chocolate and sugar free treats (like Russell Stover Chocolate Pecan Delights!) 

But what I'm WAY more excited about is the list of things I get to eat that are awful and horrible for me and that I only really want because I can't have them! I've decided my best way to deal with this, especially on February 1st when I can suddenly eat EVERYTHING under the sun, is that I can have anything on my list only ONCE in a month, and I can have only ONE cheat meal a week. The real plan is to continue to eat well, just with less frustration-inducing restriction; and to allow myself to eat things that sounds good (followed with the assumption that many of those probably won't taste very good). So what am I DYING for??

• Chocolate
• A slice of thin crust, cheesy pizza
• A biscuit
• Grits
• A donut
• A sandwich (i.e. on bread) and a hamburger (i.e. on a bun)
• A baked potato, sweet potato fries
• A warm chocolate chip cookie 
• Warm rolls at Texas Road House
• Fruit salad and a banana
• A hot dog at Costco ... in the bun ... with ketchup & mustard
• Pad Thai, Spring Rolls and Pho
• NOT TO MENTION ... (SORRY inadvance FOR ANYONE ALSO doing low-carb):

AMY'S ICE CREAM

MUG OF COLD BEER 

BREAKFAST TACOS

SAUSAGE MCMUFFIN

But I also know that the real deal is that I have to care about what goes in my body, what I'm doing to my body when I eat and how it makes me feel. Nothing is a total No-No, but it's really important that I'm being good to myself. And in this case, that means food. 

#2

I'm definitely gonna need a good Challenge for the 2nd go 'round. I was strategic in picking No Carbs/Low Carbs because I knew I needed something that would really push me, but that wasn't going to be like jumping into ice-cold water after lying in the 100 degree sun all day. You know? Going into the 2nd month, I need to do something that is really a stretch for me. The list of potential Challenges that I've been making over the past few weeks is a good 20 irritation-inducing, misery-making, I'm-gonna-kill-someone-if-this-doesn't-stop choices long. But when thinking about finding the perfect one for next month, there are only I'm choosing from:

1. Journaling every day
2. Write a letter to someone every day
3. Get counseling
4. No Facebook. At all. 
5. Cardio and/or strength training 6 times a week
6. Take a new class or lessons

I'm thinking that JOURNALING and also having to blog about journaling will be too much. The two things I see happening with this Challenge are 1) I will turn the blog into my journal and I'm definitely not ready to be that raw and uncut in my blog; or 2) I have nothing to say in my blog because of the journal writing. But when I think about journaling and then blogging about it, I see the blog as something where I process how hard it is to journal or to be honest or what I'm learning or how I feel about what I'm learning, etc. And I think I need a little more practice with both before I combine. So ... 

I'm thinking that counseling isn't something I'll have ready in 6 days. And I am still feeling like I'm not ready for it. I need it. I know I need it. But I need to get some other things together first. 

I have no idea what class or lessons I'm interested in taking so I'm just going to table that without any other discussion. 

That leaves writing a letter each day, axing Facebook for the month or working out. 

I honestly don't think that cutting Facebook out of my life is really all that hard. That might be crazy-talk, but seriously ... you just have to find other ways to communicate. So, maybe another month, or maybe not at all, or maybe only I am wrong and it will be really hard - but it's not going to be February's Challenge. 

I'm torn about the letters and the working out. 

My fight with working out: I love going to the gym, I love working out, I love the sweat and hard work. I have a really packed schedule with very little extra time so the choices for when I go are limited. I go on a less-than-regular basis right now, but I don't just NOT go. I'm thinking this is a really good plan because I want to go more and this would get me in the habit. 

My fight about the letters: This is an awesome Challenge with only positive affects and I am pretty excited to get to it. But I think I have a greater immediate NEED for the cardio/strength. I'm half tempted to do the letters and see if I can get myself to do the gym without the Challenge. HMMMMMM ...

S0 ... 

Uhhhmmm ...

*Finger-strumming the desk*

*Staring out the window*

(Maybe I should eat something while I think about this ...) 

(Resisted that urge)

I'VE DECIDED. 

FEBRUARY CHALLENGE: 

CARDIO/STRENGTH TRAINING

Here are the rules:

• In the month of February I will complete 25 days of working out.
• I am allowed one day off to a) rest my body, b) account for having a busy schedule, c) not feeling well/not getting enough sleep, d) to refresh.
• Of the 6 days/week that I work out, at least 3 days must include cardio and at least 2 must include strength training. (And doing both is also allowed.)
• Workouts must be at least 30 minutes long, whether it's cardio or strength.
• Variety is necessary - the gym isn't required. Walking/Running outside, DVDs/On Demand at home, using my weight and resistance equipment in the garage, playing basketball or hiking or something else. 
• Cold, rain, tiredness, hunger and general laziness will not be allowable excuses on the 6 days of working out. 
• This won't kill me. 

So ... there it is. Now the 5 days of obsessive research of places I can workout, fun ways to get cardio exercise, other ways that I can get strength training besides weights, best workouts for me, blahblahblah. I'm sure a spreadsheet will be involved somehow!

=======================================

While I'm here, I should mention this month's Challenge, maybe. 

Last night I made my kids pizza, which I obviously couldn't eat. So I made myself Chicken/Spinach/Red Pepper sausage and salad. Pretty good, but next time I'm grilling them. My appetite still really hasn't come back in full effect. Here's hoping it comes back fully by Wednesday otherwise, what a waste!! :)

This morning I ate nothing. Coffee tho, of course!! Lunch was chicken breast and Coke Zero. Not exciting, but good. Mostly this is because I lack an appetite, but I think it's also because I've lost focus a little as I've been thinking about everything I'm going to eat in February and can't now so suddenly nothing I can eat sounds good at all. But all will be rectified tonight when I go out for dinner and eat a big-ass, low-carb meal!!!

I'll let you know how that goes. 

#13: DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE!

What happened to my appetite?


Sunday it was definitely from stress and anxiety.
Monday, maybe some of the same, but something else was just as at play.
Today, I can't call it. I'm not having the same emotional day & would actually say I'm fine. So ...


This is making me wonder if I have cycles of no-appetite each month just as I have cycles of feeling like I'm  CONSTANTLY hungry. Maybe I just never noticed because I was eating all the wrong things at the wrong time in the wrong ways? I don't have the answer, but I can say my interest in this is piqued and it's just in time because I was feeling in need of something new to obsess about.


While my lack of hunger for 3+ days is doing great things for my relationship with the scale, it's leaving me with nothing of Challenge-related substance to share - actually I've lost 3 pounds in 3 days. So today I'm going to share some things that have nothing to do with being carb free. Fasten your seat belts folks.

So, for as long as I have known myself, I have been someone who uses defense mechanisms to protect myself from ever getting to place where I will actually need defense mechanisms. I'm a master at it really. In fact, I should teach classes on it - college level. 


One of my biggest talents is the ability to compartmentalize just about anything with the scent of emotion and feel nothing about it. Ever. Altho a handy tool in many situations, it's not healthy. But forever my priority was to be safe from emotion and hurt and, therefore, UNhealthy. Truthfully, I equated vulnerability with weakness and God-forbid I, or anyone else, see me as weak. I remember a friend of mine who I'd known and been very close to for 18 years telling me he'd never seen me cry. WHAT? I mean, I don't cry non-stop, but not once, as close as we were, in EIGHTEEN YEARS?? That's not good for my soul. 


Having each of my kids certainly broke some of those walls down, but really, my consistent pattern is to see sadness, hurt, heartache and disappointment coming and to throw up double-thick, reinforced steel walls. Then I'd add a heaping pile of super-anger. 


Yes, the other highly-emotionally-stable things that I do is to fight every emotional situation with anger. It's the secondary emotion to almost anything else. When I'm afraid, I lash out in what comes across as anger. When I'm sad, I find away to spin it into anger. When I'm hurt, I say "I'm mad because ..." Why is that? Because anger is external. I get mad at myself way less often than I am angry at someone else. It's something that generally is placed onto another person in reaction to the primary emotion (fear, sadness, hurt, frustration, anxiousness) that I'm feeling inside. 


None of this is stuff I recognized about myself for most of my life. I was simply going along in life happy and goofy mixed with flashes of anger cover-up. I made some big mistakes because of the anger, some of which I struggled to forgive myself for or get over the consequences of for a really long time. A few years ago I started doing the work to get thru the anger and I definitely learned somethings but much like everything else I've admitted to over the past few weeks, just as it was getting to the really intense and difficult work, I walked away. 


But then I lost my dad and was completely unprepared. I was unprepared for the raw emotion that would be filling me up all day every day for weeks. I was unprepared to have habits I'd learned over years of self-protection be blown to bits. I was unprepared to learn things about my dad and my relationship with my dad that I had never know and that would cause me to question everything I thought I knew about everything. Including myself. I was really, really UNPREPARED. 


I have to say the only way to describe that loss was that it shook me to my core and challenged everything. I miss him greatly, every single day, and I'm still incredibly sad in waves that come less-often, at least. But if we are supposed to always look for the lesson or the good that can come from something bad or hard or traumatic, then I can say that losing my dad changed me ONLY for the better. I had to let go of a lot of feelings I had about him, our relationship as Father & Daughter and even about myself, especially in relation to being his Daughter. But that process has been amazing. It has left me so much less angry, so much more peaceful and so much closer to him. Ironic, I guess. 


But life comes to you as it's supposed to and for me, it's important that I take every opportunity I have to grow and learn. 

• I'm so much more tolerant of people (which, for anyone who knows me, is saying A LOT because most people get on my nerves). 
• I'm much slower to judge a person, their situation and their choices and much more aware that even if (you think) you've been thru the VERY SAME thing, it isn't THE same because YOU aren't the same as the next person.
• I'm more open to life, experiences, possibilities. 
• I take good risks versus risky behavior. I used to revel in RISK after RISK for destructive reasons, but now I take RISKS because of the potential positive payoff in my life.
• I have faith. I'm not sure I had much of that ever before. 
• I know more about who and what I'm NOT and what I DON'T want. This may seem small but I think I've only ever been aware of who I WAS/AM and what I did WANT. The difference for me is that in past I felt I had to learn everything by making mistakes to learn from and now I know enough about myself to say NO or YES as it's right for me, to follow my GUT and to make choices I stand behind the FIRST time.   

But the two biggest things that I've found in the past two years are 1) my absolute truest self and 2) my happiness. I'm certain there is so much more growth and learning coming my way and I know that without the growth I've already experienced, I'd never be open to anything life is bringing me. And what a waste that would be. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe that bit of honest confession will explain why I felt so open to the changes that these Challenges would bring me. Maybe it's why I'm finding self-reflection refreshing instead of scary. Maybe it's why I'm finding more success than failure in trying things that are so hard for me. 


But whatever the reason, I'm enjoying this growth, I'm proud of myself for allowing it and I appreciate Dad for giving me this gift in his absence. 

EVER  ONWARD

#12: I'm So Annoying

Uhhhhhh ... apparently it's been 4 days since I last blogged? I'm not sure how that happened. It certainly didn't feel like it was that long. I'm not going to run you thru every detail of the past 4 days because -- well, let's be honest, there is NO WAY i could possibly remember that much information. Especially not when I didn't even realize that much time had passed. And, now that I'm saying that, I am remembering when I started thinking about a blog I wanted to write every day or every other day because of this exact situation. I used to have a memory like an elephant, but now I just have the ass of one. And the memory of a fish. (And, yep, fish definitely have bad memories. Google it.)

CURRENT MEMORY SITUATION

BEFORE

AFTER

Clearly I've gotten off track. Both in my documenting and in this post. 


So ... 


Day #20, #21, #22 & #23, January 20-23:


In lieu of a day-by-day report even, let's just hit the highs and lows.

• I ate a great salad from a restaurant 75 miles away so it's unlikely I'll be eating it again soon. But it did remind me that I love a good salad and despite having all the fixin's at home, I'm not making them. I think I need to buy a dressing I love because, let's be honest, that's really what makes a good bowl of raw veggies into an amazing meal. 
• I had a low on Friday night where I went thru a fast food drive thru to get the 3 boys in my house a snack and, weakened by exhaustion and emotion, I bought myself a burger meal. Yes, a fatty, on bread, with fries meal. BUT ... one bite in, I knew I didn't want it and thru the $7.00 in the trash. Outside. Good for me. 
• Chaos and a jam-packed schedule, followed by being really sleepy mid-afternoon left me barely-fed on Saturday. And yet, unhungry. But I packed up the kids + neighbor child and headed out to eat because the "barely-fed" issue also left me without energy. We ate out and I ate some carbs, but am pretty sure I stuck right around my max daily intake of 20g. I was kind of impressed with myself because the combination of being under-nourished and out to eat where someone else can wait on me and make my food usually tempts me into The Dark Side. 
• Personal trauma drama that set a huge pit in my stomach all day Sunday (that remains today, in fact) has left me without the slightest appetite. This means I haven't eaten poorly, but I also just haven't really eaten. 
• An expensive shopping trip to Costco to stock the house up on groceries and toiletries means I have good-for-me foods that I can pick up quickly as I'm headed out the door (the usual time I notice I'm in need of food). One of my favorites: Kellogg's Fiber Plus Bars. They have the maximum amount of carbs I can take in in January for the Challenge, but that's okay with me. They are good, they work for before or after a workout or an afternoon snack. And once it's February, I can have one of those plus another 20g each day. 

So ... that's the deal. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bigger issue I'm dealing with right now is the a fore-mentioned "trauma-drama." I'm dealing with some personal life stuff and have found myself feeling at a crossroads on more than one large issue. If we are being totally forthcoming here - and "we" are because it's not we, it's just me - I over-think, over-analyze and obsess about these type of things until I can find myself at the solution. I don't do well at "we'll just see," or being in the grey area. I am someone who can deal with any situation I'm in or am given. But I just don't handle well not knowing what the situation is. I find myself desperately needing resolve. 

Right now, there is no resolve and that means there is high-anxiety, huge distraction from work, no appetite, the inability to do anything that requires attention to be productive. 

I am not in the place to process on a public blog, but nonetheless, the processing must be done. Knowing myself, the processing won't be too long because I can't live in this space for more than a few days. I'm driving myself crazy which must mean I'm driving others crazy too. I can't be successful like that so that let's me know there is hope around the corner! 

Proud-of-myself-despite-the-stress Moment: I'm not emotion-eating. 

See you soon.

#11: Guuuud Lawwwd

Day 18 was off to a great start: I decided to go to work. Not in an existential, "every thing is a choice" way, just in a "I need to go put out some fires so I guess I better get my ass out of bed" way. That might have been the last good choice I made.

I didn't work out.

I didn't eat breakfast.

I skipped our all-staff meeting to work at my desk.

I ate lunch at 3pm.

I ate dinner at 8pm - and I ate a bowl of leftover meatloaf.

I ate TWO sugar-free jells for dessert.

WHAT WENT WELL:
... I ate and I didn't eat anything bad for me.


WHAT WASN'T SO HOT:
... Did you see the list? I mean it was like a blue-print of what NOT to do. No breakfast? I already know when I don't eat breakfast it slows my energy and metabolism for the whole day. NO gym? I already know that no exercise always leaves me feeling more sluggish and less motivated to eat well. No food at all until 3pm? I don't think I even need to explain that. A bowl of meat for dinner? Really??

^^^Right here ^^^is my struggle.

What did I DO that was horrible? I didn't gorge on candy, I didn't get a Big Mac, I didn't eat 5000 calories. But I never do really. And when I do from time to time have a horribly, over-indulgent day, I balance it well with not doing it again for months. It's really about what I DIDN'T DO. And that is what it always comes down to.


I have days where I feel like I just don't have the energy ... or the drive ... or motivation ... nor do I really "care" about the goal ... so I just don't focus on it. But per my previous posts, and more than one of them, at that, I know that when I do better, I do better. I wish I didn't have those lulls. Or maybe I just wish that I understood what causes them. And I wish that I didn't need to get all the way thru them in order to recognize them. 


I think I'm going to add to my focus for the last 12 days of this month and this challenge: 

1. Pay attention to my self. 
2. Note when I'm unmotivated to "do better" so that I can refocus and DO BETTER. 
3. Commit to getting up and taking care of what I KNOW I need to even when I don't want to.

Short and to the point for today. 

Mostly because I need to go DO BETTER. Right now. 

#10: Why You Makin Waffles in My House???

I woke up to a whiny toddler this morning so clearly today is gonna be GREAT. 


My kids had been asking for waffles since last weekend so today was definitely the day. But, alas, we were out of Bisquick. And flour. So, now what? Well, if you live in my house, the OBVIOUS answer is: HEAD TO TARGET. At 8am. On a Sunday. 


The kids and I went in armed with a shopping list of 9 things:

1. Bisquick
2. Fruit
3. Veggies
4. Evaporated milk
5. Soy Milk
6. Ground turkey
7. Pork Chops
8. Bathroom scale
9. Baby/Doggy gate

Clearly I forgot item #10: "$200 worth of other things we didn't need but couldn't help ourselves in the Sunday morning hunger fog."

Stupid fantastic world of Target. 

Apparently the paparazzi got a picture of me shopping this morning. Dang. 

So we get back to the house and the waffles begin. To be exact, everyone else in the house partook in Crispy Cinnamon Waffles. I did not. But I did read the recipe and one full 4-section waffle was 39g of carb. Meaning one bite would have been about 5g. Not bad. 

The rest of the day is going to include playoff NFL games, cleaning and the Golden Globes so I have to be extra careful of my intake. There won't be a lot of opportunity to burn it back off. 

Lunch was - as I said it would be - left over BBQ. I ate brisket, sausage and beans only. But it wasn't nearly as satisfying. Interesting how having to eat healthier because of the low-carb challenge has also led me to dislike certain tastes and flavors. There might be something to the whole Eat Healthy, Be Healthy thing. Maybe our bodies DO know better. CURSES!!!

Dinner has been planned since last night when the kids wanted to make the same dinner at home as we cooked at Ronald McDonald House. Turkey meatloaf and trice baked potatoes with green beans and fruit salad it is. Lucky for me, I don't really care about potatoes so dinnertime will be YUMS. Lots of people don't like meatloaf, but a good meatloaf can't be beat. 

I always mix ground beef and ground turkey. The turkey is  lighter, healthier and absorbs flavors better. Mix one pound of each with dijon mustard, canned tomato sauce, chopped onions, Worcestershire sauce, cayenne for kick, salt, pepper. Form onto cookie sheet or into pound-cake pan. Bake at 325 for 45 minutes

Twice baked potatoes are easy: slightly under bake potatoes (about an hour at 350), split in half and gut them. Place halved skins onto cookie sheet. Mix potato guts with butter, sour cream, cheese, salt and pepper and then fill shells. Cook again for 15 minutes at 350. 

Other good recipes for both here:

MEATLOAF

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/good-eats-meat-loaf-recipe/index.html

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/grammys-comfort-meatloaf/detail.aspx

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/brown-sugar-meatloaf/detail.aspx

TWICE BAKED POTATOES

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/ultimate-twice-baked-potatoes/

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/twice-baked-potatoes-recipe/index.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/twice-baked-potatoes-recipe/index.html

=================================================================

Can we take a minute to talk about this weekend's playoff games? I called the 49ers win over the Saints. Only I thought it wished it to be the Lions instead of the Saints and then the Lions over the 49ers. But once it was the 49ers, I knew Brees was gonna get an extra month this off-season. 

I was disturbingly uninterested in the Broncos-Patriots game given the Tebow thing gets on my last nerve and I HATE Brady. I try not to hate too many things, but Brady makes that hard. I respect his talent - which I readily admit he has - but he is so whiny! No one besides The Toddler and Brady whine that much. It's gross. Dude, you are a grown-ass man with 2 kids, one super sexy ex, a supermodel wife, millions of dollars, a golden arm. What are you whining about? GETitTOGETHER!

SHUT. UP.

Other than wanting to know who I'll be rooting for AGAINST the Patriots next weekend, there was no reason to watch/care about the Texans-Ravens game. But I'll be all about the purple on Sunday. 

The game of the weekend? Giants-Packers. I really dislike Green Bay. I liked Favre. I like Rodgers. But the GIANTS are my shit. I love the Seahawks - went to every game for years - but they never showed up this season. I love the Lions - grew up with a Michigan-born father who spoon fed me Detroit/Michigan sports - but they lost control last weekend and let the Niners win. That leaves me Manning and the Giants. Plus, how great is it to have a 15-1 regular season team LOSE like hell in the Conference Semis? Love those stories. Plus, I bet a pretty penny on it so the win was really a WIN. 

WINNING. 

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So with a day of football playoffs and indulgent celebrity award shows, I have to be thoughtful about what I will eat. No doubt I will be hungry which means I'll eat. No doubt I will be bored which means I will eat. No doubt the kids will expect to get fed which means I'll eat. 

Grapes and sugar-free Jello for sweets. Cookies for everyone else. 

Celery and carrots for crunch. Chips for everyone else. 

Cheese and walnuts for protein. Peanut butter for everyone else. 

Vanilla Coke Zero for carbonation. Beer/Rootbeer for everyone else. 


The Boy and I even ventured out to a bar to eat and watch the BIG game. It was important for me to see the Giants win on a big screen! I needed to stay low-carb but wanted alcohol. I started with a Michelob Ultra. Sorry, but NO. There was no taste so the only reason to drink it would have been to get a buzz but that would have taken 4 I'm sure and by that time I might as well have had one good beer. So I set that aside and moved on to Diet Coke, Bombay and lime. Good, low-enough carb and way better after that "beer."


See?? Even in the face of FOOTBALL and AWARD SHOWS I am determined to get a "W." 

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Then it's Monday, January 16th aka DAY SIXTEEN aka Dr. Martin Luther King Day


A 3-day weekend after a 4-day weekend after an 11-day vacation. I'm either going to incredibly well-rested and refreshed after January, or I'm going to be sluggish. You know what they say: "Sleep begets sleep." The earlier to bed, the more I sleep' the more I sleep, the more I sleep. 

I started the day with 2 eggs and bacon. And coffee, of course. But then the loafing kicked in. I was feeling lazy, sluggish ... so I guess the answer is NOT refreshed from all the time off. I honestly believe that I'm built for being busy. When I'm under-scheduled, when I'm not busy enough, when I don't have anything to do, I become a total couch-potato. 


And the result of being a lazy bum is that i either don't eat or I want to eat like shit. It's funny how being active and eating well makes me want to eat well and be active; and being lazy and eating like crap make me want to eat like crap and be lazy. Just shows me that the mental-state I get in from exercise and good-for-me food is all-around good for me. 


Now if I could just stay focused on that understanding. 


I really didn't find myself hungry most of the day, what with the total laziness and lack of movement. I snacked on low-fat string cheese and pecans when I got a little hunger. Dinner was boring, but good. Just left-overs of meatloaf and some broccoli. 


God help me. I'm over today and it's total lack of energy, motivation, excitement. I need tomorrow, so I'm going to bed. 


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Tuesday, January 17th: DAY SEVENTEEN


Yesterday's total ... apathy had me on the edge of giving up on this. I had this debate with myself:
BAD Cat:       "This is getting boring!"
GOOD Cat:   "Uh, maybe that's because your lazy ass isn't being creative in the kitchen."
BAD Cat:       "Uh, maybe that's because there is nothing left to try."
GOOD Cat:   "Yeah, that's probably true. Low-carb food is limited to all of 5 items. You're screwed."
BAD Cat:       "Whatever. I've clearly shown that I can master this. It's time to move on."
GOOD Cat:   "See?? That's your problem in the first place. You can't stick with things when they become a real push."
BAD Cat:       "Don't repeat my words to me. You got that from my blog." 
GOOD Cat:   "Then you already know this. So suck it up and finish strong. Get creative. You aren't quitting."
BAD Cat:      "I hate you."


*Blank stare* 

 So, fine, I'm sticking with it. 


The other thing yesterday's apathy did to me was make me miss the half way point. Yesterday was Day 16 - 15 down and 15 to go. Yes!! So now it's all downhill from here. It's time to buckle down and get thru this. 


Oh and figure out what I'm doing with February. 

[[SUGGESTION BOX IS OPEN TO ANYONE WITH IDEAS FOR MY FEBRUARY CHALLENGE]]


I'm currently typing from my bad covered with 27 blankets because I'm feeling like CRAP. I'm skipping work, and so far, skipping food. But I know better ... learned my lesson yesterday. 

So as soon as I finish typing this, I'm headed downstairs for a bacon-mushroom-onion-zuccini omelet. Yum. I'm even planning my lunch: salad. 


And being home means I can be really thoughtful about dinner. We have crazy Tuesday, of course, with puppy training which requires leaving the house at 5pm, and The Nephew's basketball game which means we won't be home before 8:30pm. So dinner is going to be pre-made and coming with us to the game. 


That is only unfortunate because I'm in the mood to get my creativity back in the kitchen and won't get to cook. But maybe I can prepare and prep for tomorrow's dinner... 


Okay ... off to eat it up! Maybe it will even make me feel better??

#9: Low-Carb FAIL and Other Events

FRIDAY, JANUARY 13th ... DAY THIRTEEN


Friday the 13th wasn't the best day but it wasn't the worst either. 


I woke up too late for the gym, but really had wanted to go so I was pretty disappointed. But I made myself an egg with spicy sausage for breakfast. I had a morning full of meetings and was my usually over-booked self so I had no time to notice my hunger. When lunchtime came, I was so hungry that I was tempted to head across the street to the convenience store and stock up on carb-loaded, unhealthy food. But I maintained my resolve and ordered myself lunch from a restaurant near work I love. I was so good too because my favorite thing to eat there is fried chicken with a double side of baked mac & cheese. Since I can't have anything on that list, I ordered smoked kobe meatloaf with a salad (dressed with chevre ranch with makes it low-fat) and sauteed green beans. It was really good!!! I'm guessing there were bread crumbs in the meatloaf so I'm counting it as 5g of carbs. 

Our family went to watch The Evil Nephew (if you recall, he was given that moniker during the first week of this challenge when he decided to cook deep friend pb & js in front of me - SUCKER) play in his first Texas High School Basketball game. The game was good: his team won and he scored 18 points. 

But because my family likes to torture me, The Boy, The Son, The Extra Son & The Toddler all ate chips, candy bars and sugar-filled Gatorade right in my face. I had no interest in the chips or drinks, but watching them eat Twix almost killed me. I used to enjoy those with all the guilty pleasure I had in me. But I did resist, even when The Toddler put it right in my face, unknowingly, and asked me if I wanted a bite. "No, sweetie. Mommy can't eat that." But I was thinking "Hell Yes!!! Stuff it in my mouth NOW!!!!!"

We went to a celebratory dinner but not without first having to debate a good place to go. In an effort to save some money, we didn't go to our usual favorite. I declined the lists of fast food places brought up because I really wanted to sit down and be served. We ended up at a Vietnamese restaurant we'd often passed but never tried. I couldn't get Pho, something I LOVE in the winter and now have to pass up. I also couldn't opt for spring rolls which are another favorite of mine, but rolled in rice paper. They apparently have sushi on the menu which looked amazing, but, of course, have rice. And they do not have a brown rice option so I couldn't even justify some whole-grain carb intake. I ended up selecting a chicken and broccoli dish and a side salad. The food was satisfying and filling but only gets a cool B+ from me. Two of the folks at the table got Pho which they said was good so when January is over, I may indulge in some. 

On the way home, I found that I was in serious sugar-craving mode. This is the first time in quite awhile and my powers were not strong enough. I bought a McDonald's chocolate chip cookie, something I used to love when I'd be craving sugar. Actually, as I've mentioned before warm chocolate chip cookies are my biggest sweets downfall! So, I ate the thing and then was so mad at myself I decided to Google the nutritional facts. 


Challenged Tip of the Day: DON'T GOOGLE NUTRITIONAL FACTS OF UNHEALTHY FOOD YOU HAVE JUST CHEATED BY EATING!!!!


But I already had. ONE COOKIE = 170 calories (seriously?!), 9g fat (better than I'd thought) and 23g carbs (uh ... WTF) of which 14g come from sugar. Not great. So, in one cookie, I'd way out-done my carb limits for the day. SHIT. 

I will give myself some credit for this being the first time I'd cheated, fallen off the carb wagon and eaten more than 20g of carbs. But still ... I didn't need the cookie, I could have chosen a different sweet, I could have avoided altogether. I definitely was weak in that moment. 


Later that evening I went to see Contraband with The Boy. Slow, dry, but not horrible. It wasn't something I was dying to see (like J. Edgar or Young Adult) but it also wasn't something I've worked so hard to avoid (Zookeeper or Chipwrecked). 


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SATURDAY, JANUARY 14th ... DAY FOURTEEN


I slept in. 


I almost feel like there is nothing else important to say about the day because I never get to sleep in. And I did ... I slept in!!


But, okay. I also wanted to feed the kids with a breakfast that I could also eat. So, despite their request for pancakes, they got a bacon/sausage scramble with a side of hashbrowns (that I didn't eat). It was good and I was glad I'd taken the time because otherwise I would have either skipped breakfast or ended up eating something I really didn't want just because I was starving. I really need to find out how to curb that. Is it just me or does everyone else also have this I'll-eat-whatever-I-can-get-my-hands-on-just-because-it's-there-and-I'm-STARVING issue??


Then I was really wanting a workout but also wanted to get The Dog some exercise. So I packed up The Toddler and The Boy we headed out to walk. 


CHALLENGE TIP of the Day: Don't expect to get your heart rate up if you take a toddler and a 3-month old puppy on your walk. 

But we did walk for an hour and take a 45-minute stop at the field near the house to throw the ball. And on the walk back, I even got The Dog up and running a bit. It wasn't the best workout, but at least I moved for 1 hour 45 minutes and I made the most out of it that I could. 


Saturday errands were next but I was hungry. Lunch on the go? String cheese, sugar-free strawberry Jello and a handful of raw pecans. But I was actually fine afterwards. 


The afternoon was taken up by a volunteer project with my kids - we helped make dinner at Ronald McDonald House in Austin. That was quite the experience. RMH provided free room and board for families with sick children in the hospital. The families are usually from out-of-town and can't afford to stay in hotels. On this night, we met a family with 4 children ages 5, 4, 3 and 3 days old. The 3-day-old girl was born January 11 but due April 30. If you don't want to do the math, that's 24 weeks, 2 days gestation. The federal law for considering a fetus "viable" is 24 weeks. This little girl, delivered at home by the father, was born ONE HOUR after the parents had been sent home from the hospital for a check up because the mother was complaining about pain. She weighed 1lb10oz at birth, has a little hair and was cleared by the doctors as having a healthy brain and lungs. I talked with the dad and he matter-of-factly said "All I cared about was that she has all her fingers and hands. The rest is out of our control." She has quite the road ahead, anything could change at any moment, she still may not survive such an early delivery, but if she does, she's bound to be one of the strongest little girls that God made. 


Watching my kids cook for families like them, watching my almost-3-year-old clean the dishes used to make dinner, hearing all the raves from the kids after touring the facility and talking to this family made me PROUD and reinforced my belief that being open is important because you never know when a lesson is coming your way. Today, I expected to be proud of my kids. I expected to be impressed by RMH and its purpose. I expected to feel accomplished by our efforts. But I didn't expect and wasn't fully prepared to be touched by one family's story. The drive home was very reflective for me. 


Life is hard, it comes with no guarantees and we spend many of our years begin tested and stretched, sometimes beyond our wildest imagination. But we are never given more than we can handle, and everything we go thru is for a purpose. Whether it's to teach us something or to prepare us to teach others, knowing it has a purpose helps me to get thru. I'm even okay with those times where I don't yet understand the lesson I'm supposed to learn despite my faith that it's "happening for a reason." But I appreciate most of all the times where I unexpectedly learn and grow in ways I wasn't prepared for. 

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We had planned another evening of whatever-it-brings-it-brings, but my mood was changed and I wanted Family Night. So I stopped to pick up dinner at Rudy's - the favorite BBQ joint in my house. Then I grabbed a movie and headed home. 


Dinner (for me, I stuck to brisket, sausage, jalapeno sausage, cole slaw and beans) and some family TV later, I was feeling very full and fulfilled. I will save you some suspense and tell you I'm probably having leftovers for lunch tomorrow too. 

We started the movie and I promptly fell asleep. PERFECT.