#24: February Challenge Wrap Up

February was definitely not what I had pictured or hoped going into it. I made it two weeks of increasing consistency and found a god groove and then ... sick.


So being sick took me out of the running for two weeks. Now it's February 29th and the last day of my Challenge. Tomorrow is a new day, a new month, and therefore, a new Challenge. But before I move into next month, I really need to clear out this month. I was very disappointed not to be able to finish out the month because I was both enjoying it and doing well at it and was looking forward to mixing it up a little to really push myself. I can see that I'm back in the space I was prior to starting in February where I'm tired, overworked, lacking energy. I need to finish this Challenge despite the month it's assigned to being over. There is something in this overall project that is directly linked to my previous inability to finish big things I want to do, big projects I start, big changes I want to make. So to have something else get in the way of my finishing is frustrating. But allowing it to have control or be my excuse is the wrong way for me to force change.

So, for starters, I'm going to continue the February Challenge into March. Rules remain the same:

• Workouts 5 days each week
• Workouts include at least 3 days of cardio and 2 days of strength
• Workouts must be at least 30 minutes, but 3 times each week, the workout must last 40 minutes+

What else am I adding tho? I had a full-blown plan for March that I was ready to begin on with full-enthusiasm. But one my favorite friends was in town for the past 4+ days and during her visit we started a conversation that led me to want a different challenge ... TOO. Grrr ... So I've been trying to decide which to go for because I don't want to do both at once. I want to do both and think that both may be equally hard for me. Because I'm continuing the cardio into March (altho it's the secondary Challenge in March), I think that the March Challenge needs to compliment it versus work against it. 

Because I still plan to have my original March activity in another month, I'm not going to say what it was. So what is the plan now?

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March Challenge:

ELIMINATE CAFFEINE

This is one of the potential activities on my big list of options that I thought "NO WAY." When I was first thinking about this project I was thinking that I probably couldn't make it thru my day without caffeine and that others may not be able to make it thru their days if they were in contact with me and I'm "off" caffeine. Then this weekend I was having a conversation with the friend about vices and it came around that coffee was my vice. I think I was drinking my vice's top line product, aka Vanilla Latte, as we discussed it. I realized that my morning coffee is really part of my routine that affects me significantly when it's off. If I don't have my coffee, I often forget to take my morning pills. If I forget to take my pills, my day is crazy. And even if I take my pills, but forget the coffee, it messes with my brain power, my clarity, my schedule, my promptness and timeliness. And once any of those are off, my whole day gets off. 

Also in the conversation, I realized that I really am relying on the caffeine. How is that different from "needing" to smoke, get high, get drunk, etc.? I'm not sure it is. It's just a more legal version of some of those other list items, and a more accepted version of the others. I have always been somewhat sensitive about my intake of drugs, prescription or otherwise, and alcohol out of concern that I would be come addicted. 

I admittedly come from a family that has various levels of addiction on both sides. I have known from a young age that I am much more likely to be the person to takes one hit of something hard core and is addicted. I've always known I'm much more likely to become dependent on sleep aids, pain relievers, alcohol. And if I'm being brutally honest with myself here, I have gotten carried away with alcohol on many an occasion. I never felt dependent on it, but I have often been bad at stopping myself at the right drink during the night. 

So the processing in the conversation led me to a place where I realized I was addicted to the caffeine. Some of that addiction is mental and schedule related, but I'm certainly physiologically addicted as well: I cannot go without caffeine for a whole day without intense headaches, nausea, shakes, sweating. It is fairly debilitating at its worse. 

So in marches March and I'm going to go cold turkey. it's 6:30pm right now and in 5 1/2 hours, there will be no more caffeine going in my system. That isn't just my coffee, it's soda, tea, chocolate, etc. I know that in order to help my day stay smooth without the coffee, I will still need to have something. So I'm off to the store this evening to buy herbal tea in order to have something each morning and caffeine withdrawal pills that I can chew when the symptoms hit. 

This is gonna be rough!!!

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Bottom line:

FEBRUARY CHALLENGE: C

*Can't totally fail because I did it well when I was doing it. 

MARCH CHALLENGE: No Caffeine

Rules:

• No coffee, even decaf because it isn't truly without all caffeine
• No caffeinated tea
• No chocolate
• No energy drinks

Wish me luck. 

And my friends, kids and family too. 

#23: A Little Delay

So, I spoke a little too soon. I was directed not to work out until I've been mended two weeks. That's some serious BS. I understand I can't push myself before my body is ready or I'll back slide. But I'm feeling like I'm at a good 95%, I went to work for a full-day, I haven't taken any medication at all today, and I'm SO ANTSY!!!

I ma being as good as possible, tho. I definitely wanted to hit the gym this morning, but I didn't. I'm planning to go for a 50% exertion workout in the morning and then do some outdoor cardio this weekend while one of my bestests is is town to play. She needs to see lots of Austin anyway, might as well walk as much of it as is reasonable. 


Then I hope to be back in the gym in full force next week. 


So in the meantime, I'm trying to find other ways to burn energy and so far my favorite method has been being overly energetic in the office. I'm walking fast, walking often, even talking fast. Whatever I can do to burn a calorie and get some sweat going. I bet you didn't realize that if you talked a-mile-a-minute, you can get some serious heart rate increase. What is it you thought the beads on your upper lip were from?

Bonus: Two people told me I'm looking thinner. Pretty sure I've gained weight, but I'll take it. 


Double Bonus: I have no idea what March is bringing, but I guarantee it will beat my January emotional low and my February physical low. Silver linings, people. Silver linings. 


Oh! I've also decided with total certainty what my March Challenge is. I think. Probably. But I'm not telling until March is closer. Hint: I get to go shopping for supplies this weekend. 


[Yep, I'm aware that wasn't really much of a hint, but that was the point.]

#22: I'm Sorry, I Fell Ill. Really, Really Ill.

Well, this will be a short entry, mostly to update on why I haven't blogged. 


I haven't blogged because I haven't worked out. 


I haven't worked out because I fell ill Thursday. When I say "ill," let me just say that I have never been this sick. Ever. I spent Friday in the hospital. Until today (Tuesday) I have done nothing but sleep, mostly. I have been hopped up on 4 medications and barely capable of coherent conversations. 


But I'm on the mend. I even ventured out to work today for 3 whole hours (!) and I have yet to take a nap. Tomorrow's goal: apply makeup. <--- That's living! 


Every day (since Sunday) I've gotten better and better. I am hoping to spend a whole day in the office on Thursday. I probably sound ridiculous to people: "I hope to spend time at the office." But seriously, I did nothing but sleep for over 96 hours straight. 


And it's really imperative that I improve because I have 2 appointments Friday that I can't really cancel and then one of my absolute favorite people comes into town Friday evening for 4 days of fun, girlie laughter and loafing. LoveLoveLove that!


So, I'm putting the gym on my goal sheet for Thursday and I'm going to count these past 6 days as out of my control. And, as I said in my last post (one whole week ago) I feel that I have successfully mastered this Challenge at its basic level and, as of Thursday, I will still have 7 days to go this month. 


Oh man, and that also means it's time to start deciding on the March Challenge. I'm fairly certain that I'm going to continue the February Challenge into March just to ensure I really have it as a built in habit. But I still have to have my official March Challenge activity.  


So ... that's it, because there really has been nothing else to tell you. Sadly. But when I'm back on the wagon, you should expect verbose entries with a multiatude of unnecessary tidbits for your reading pleasure. 


You're welcome. 

#21: Master of My Domain

Where "Master" = "I own it!" and "Domain" = "February Challenge."

That's what's up. 

I have found a way for the gym to fit into my schedule. I love it when I go. I love finding the time. I like dripping wet with sweat from hard-ass work. I like the feeling of hunger in my belly after a good workout and heading home to cook a good breakfast. 

I'm really glad I picked this as the second Challenge. January was hard which I needed because ... I guess because I'm a gluten for punishment. I'm laughing at myself because I don't know what reason I really thought I was about to give. But it was good for me - I had to work hard at it, it wasn't a simple Challenge, it made me work work work. Yes, actually, thanks for asking. I DO prefer to work hard. 

Certainly I learned some lessons from the January Challenge and I try to eat better and make better food and nutrition choices. But this month's Challenge has really been great for me. I have been wanting to be back in the habit of the gym and this really helped. The reality of my life is that 6 days a week at the gym is not going to happen. And the more I try to make myself make that happen, the more I make myself CRAZY. 

These last few days have been a good mix. I had two good gym sessions, plus I worked up a great sweat helping someone move. You carry a bunch of furniture and household goods down a long path, up some stairs, etc. and tell me you don't feel it the next day. I even had a down day - but I still did my 100s (crunches, lunges, squats and push ups). I should clarify, it's 100 of each - except push-ups; I just do as many of those as I can (currently at 36). 

I think the bitter reality is that I can only easily hit the gym 3 days a week but a 4-5 days each week is a good stretch but still manageable. What I'm trying to decide now is do I switch my schedule to the 4-5 days now to get myself into that habit before it's March? Or do I wait until March? And yes, it is important that I think , er OVERthink, this NOW. Do you actually expect me to go along not thinking about every move I make today and tomorrow and next Wednesday and the 3rd Monday of March? You must not know me at all!

Should I run home or walk home or skip home or crawl home or ... 

But this also gets me started thinking about March's Challenge. Last month I think I started focusing on this month to avoid dealing with that month. But this time it's because I'm feeling really good about the progress and changes. I'd prefer that I had more time for the gym, but I don't. I love to go and I do when I can. So now it's time for my mind to start planning for what comes next. 


Yes, this is my problem and I'll gladly own it. I cannot just sit and be. It's funny because I was just complaining that I really want to be left alone to just DO my job instead of always thinking about what project is next, what expansion to plan, what to improve and how to improve it. But here I am saying I DON'T want that same system in my personal life. I WANT to push hard, think about what's next, not just sit and be. Somehow I want a break at work and can't stand a break at home. Maybe I can't allow myself to enjoy things? If so, why is that? So, wait. I should spend a little more time on this Challenge and really making it all I can make it. And helping me ARMY IT UP ("Be all I can be" for those who don't understand my highly-cryptic, yet hilarious sense of humor). 

Maybe I should stop thinking about what's next and refocus all my over-thinking onto this month ...


Because I'm feeling like such a Master today, I need to spice up my workouts. I need to find some new creative ways to get cardio - in the gym and out. I think I will push myself to up the workout to 45 minutes each and every third one needs to be something new. Creative Cardio we'll call it. That could be 

• Running the lake (I hate running something serious, but at least it's not running on a effing treadmill)
• Kickboxing
• Boxing (these two would come in handy on many a day)
• Moving - maybe I'll open a side business where someone pays me to carry their boxes of pillows and cotton balls across the street. Nothing too strenuous - more of a supplemental moving company. 
• Mmm ... flat out of ideas. What is my problem?

MAYBE HE CAN HELP ME WITH CREATIVE CARDIO???

Yeah ... that's enough for now. I clearly don't have focus. I'm all over the place. I need to move on with my day and come back when I can string more than HALF of ONE thought together. 


Toodles 

(oh, Jesus, that was such a mistake.)  

#20: Does Katt Williams Motivate YOU Too???

I'm beginning to think that my level of motivation is directly related to my menstrual cycle.

This is right around the point in January's Challenge that I suddenly found my mojo. Now... maybe that coincidence is related to the length of time it takes me to get through my mental block, but wouldn't it be easier if I could just blame it on something I can't control? I'd much prefer to think I have to adjust for a cycle provided by Mother Nature than that I have some mental growth to accomplish.

Today is Day 9 of this Challenge and for the first 8 days I real had to force myself to do what I was supposed to be doing. Not in the same way I had to force myself to stick with eating low-carb when I was inexplicably craving sweets I've never cared about or when I was having dreams of buffets filled with bread, pasta and rice. Instead, I was having to force myself to find time to do a Challenge that I know I would love.

As I've realized that what I'm challenging each month isn't consistent, just as the actual challenge isn't the same. Not eating a food group because it's not good for me challenged my will power and my neuroses that make me want anything I am not supposed to have. Getting workouts in almost every day challenges my inability to make time for myself, something that I can find almost any excuse to not do.

If you were to ask me what I think of self-care, I would give you a very feel developed philosophy on the benefits of self-care on one's personal and professional life. I would be able to quickly make a lengthy list of suggested ways for one to practice self-care. I would tell you repeatedly until I was certain you believed the truth in "If you don't take care of yourself, you will not/cannot be good for anyone else." So why is that I do not practice what I preach??

Honestly, I don't implement the instructions or lessons of my own sermons almost ever. Self-care is no exception. I know that I need "Me Time" to recover. I need it to refresh, hit restart and be any good to my children, my staff, my friends. GAH! See? That right there is it. I just said "to be good to

my CHILDREN

my STAFF

my FRIENDS."

Something significant missing from that list??? Yeah ... Uh ...

ME!!!

Um, Cat? This is Cat:

Remember Her???

So why am I concerned with being the best version of me I can be for everyone else, but don't think to be sure I'm at my best for myself? Why do I find time for toddler tumbling, music lessons for two kids, sports teams for two kids, etc., etc., etc., blahblahblah and yet find ZERO time for therapy (which I readily admit I need), the gym (which I repeatedly say I love), my own classes (like sewing which I've been wanting for months)??? 

I don't have an answer - outside of the obvious "This is what woman, especially mothers, do" - but I am now on a mission to find one. Suggestions from your brilliant minds? Suggestions of who else has a brilliant mind that can answer this? Or maybe more importantly, I should be searching for tips and skills so that I don't continue this behavior. 

For the moment, and probably much of the rest of this month, I'm at least over the motivation hurdle. I got right up with my alarm this morning (yes, the one that harasses me at 4:30am) and was at the gm at 5am. I did an extra 10 minutes of cardio and devised a mental plan of which strength machines I'm going to begin incorporating this week. I discovered that it isn't music that keeps me going throughout the workout so much as comedy. Yesterday when I was way over the music in my playlists, I decided to try a movie streamed on Netflix on my phone. But I really didn't like anything in my queue for a workout and then ... BAM!!! ... Katt Williams Pimp Chronicles part 1. That got me right thru my entire workout without even realizing how long I'd been going. So today I decided I'd try it again. Thank you Katt Williams Pimpadelic for getting me thru today. 

It wasn't even that I just flew through the workout and did an extra 10 minutes (mostly because I wasn't ready to stop laughing at him); it was also that I pushed myself harder In a normal 20 minute treadmill session I'll do hills or bump my speed to a run for 30 second intervals, usually hovering around 5.2. Today I ran for 1-1 1/2 minute intervals at 5.5, 5.8 and 6.1. I'm pretty sure it's because I didn't have a chance to be bored or think about how long I'd been running.  Maybe I should take a step back briefly? I HATE running. It hurts my chest. And it's SO BORING. But it is a good cardio challenge because my body isn't used to it. And I'm not great at it because of how much I hate it.

Tonight I need to add some more hilarious stand-up shows to my queue so I can accidentally find myself running for half an hour at a 9.2. 

Maybe a little ambitious, but you get the point. 

#19: Blogging is the "write" medicine.

I am feeling super uncreative. I'm not finding this challenge challenging physically or mentally, but I'm finding it challenging to make time to go to the gym. And I decided on exercise just as Mother Nature decided to give Texas a "winter," so I really can't hang with outdoor exercise right now. But the lack of creativity probably comes from the fact that this challenge doesn't lend itself obviously to creativity the way eating did. And probably the way next month's challenge will. And not having to force some creativity out of my mind in order to meet my challenge goals seems to be seeping into the rest of me.

Let's face it, for anyone who knows me, I am not the most creative soul. I don't craft well, I don't draw well, I'm not significantly free-flowing creative in nature. I can write, I can play music, but I can't necessarily be creative with it. Or I can in my mind (like when I imagine such better designs for clothes than what I find in stores), but I lack the talent to make it come out on the page. So I am hoping to find some level of creativity in this challenge in order to get my general juices flowing again.

So, this challenge ... today I got up and headed to the gym. It's really nice to workout at 4:45 or 5:30am when the place isn't packed. It's certainly more so at 5:30 or when I leave on those days at 6:15, than it is at 4:45am, but it's nothing like 4:45 and 5:30pm. I don't understand how people workout at the end of their day, for starters, but I also don't understand how people can stand going to a packed gym where you wait for equipment, wait for machines. Waiting is not cardio exercise at all.

I am enjoying making myself break a sweat on a regular basis tho and I'm hoping this habit sticks.

So, so far, I've been in the gym for cardio and done some morning walking of the dog, plus one day of at home workout. I'm planning to add strength in this week - so pumped, so to speak - but I had to get my stamina back in place first. Looking forward to sets - and I'm thinking that I may do sets of upper one day and lower another instead of what I used to do which was top to bottom. I say that because I really enjoy the cardio and if I do full-body strength on any day except Saturday, I won't have the time for cardio.

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I am also finding that the lack of creativity in this challenge is causing a lack of blogging, something I recognized this morning and have vowed to change. Not because I think you are all out there begging for more, but because I know that the writing process is so good for my mind. Writing has always been good therapy for my heart and soul and whatever form it comes in WRITE now is alWRITE with me. Hahaha ... man, I'm glad I entertain myself.

I think because I don't have to push myself hard enough to workout in general, i think this isn't pushing me. But I do have to push myself to get out of bed early-ass in the morning. And push myself not to come up with 87 excuses or press the snooze button 22 times. And push myself to find the time even when I don't have it. I think as I'm going through the last 21 days of this challenge (Man, that flew by FAST!), I need to focus on the pushes that are coming from this versus get stuck in the pushes that were in the January Challenge. Every challenge isn't going to push the same buttons or fears or challenge me in the same ways. I have to really wipe the slate clean at the end of each month and let myself freely experience each new challenge for what it holds.

That's some great motivation right there! Now I'm geeked up about this.

(See? That's why I need to write!)

#18: Slow Out of the Gate

This is harder than I expected.

Today is Day 6 of this month's Challenge and I have only done my cario or strength 4 times. Because of some pain that I had been experiencing for 7 days, I skipped the first day of the Challenge; not participating in the first day was de-motivating. No, that's not the right word ... it was frustrating. Still not the right word, but I can't pull the right one up at the moment. In any case, it was not the ideal way to start this month off.

But Day Two I did my work, and altho I didn't feel like I'd really worked my total hardest, I did the work.  Day Three I didn't make it to the gym, but I did do a nice strength set at home that actually got my heart rate up to a nice level too. I woke up in the morning and in the downstairs of my house, I did 100 crunches, 50 pushups (which took forever, because I can only do about 10 in a row) and 100 lunge/squats. Every time I do this superset, the burn sets in and I know the next day I'm going to be sore, but that in the moment, that burn is such a high.

Day Four was a good day for me in this Challenge. I had out-of-town guests arrive Friday (Day Three) night to spend the weekend. Despite having them in town, I got up Saturday morning and hit the gym. For a longer session than normal, at that. I worked myself hard, pushed the level on the cardio, did more work. It felt really good. I don't seem to have any mental blocking about working out at the moment, which is good, because I often feel like as much as I love it, something is stopping me from getting going.

Day Five, yesterday I had every intention to hit the gym in the morning. I was hosting a family birthday gathering to celebrate four (4!) of the kids' birthdays. I started my morning with cleaning and organizing my girls' room, including gathering all the clothes my youngest has grown out of and all the toys not being used so we could give a big bag to our niece and nephew while they were in town. Suddenly, it was an hour from the time everyone would be arriving and I hadn't frosted any of the cakes or started the food. So, that took priority. Then everyone arrived and we had so much fun.

Side Note: I love when the family gathers and we have a crowded, loud house filled with adults and kids and food. It was a great time.

But next was cleaning and organizing from after the party. And sending off our out-of-town family. And then, not to be forgotten, the Super Bowl. And since my Giants were playing and I had a $500 bet riding on it, I, of course, had to watch that. But that meant that we now were at 9pm and there was no way I was going to the gym. So that would be two days of 5 that I hadn't worked out. Damn!!!

So today is day 6 and a workout is scheduled for this afternoon. And there is no way I'm skipping it. I'm feeling like, including today, I've done 4 workouts in 6 days. And only 2 of them were the kind of workout I really love with lots of sweat and burn. So I'm only floating around a solid C grade so far and that's not going to work.

I really need to get on this now. And I already know how much better I feel when I'm on it, so LET'S GET IT!!!

#17: Austin, We Have a Problem. February is Already At-Risk!

I've been dealing with a minor medical issue since Thursday that, altho not a big deal, is causing BIG pain. 

Unfortunately, the pain means I can't do any significant physical activity. I tried to take pain meds to numb it so that I could work out this morning, but instead I was just out OF IT. For a nice 5 hours. 


At the moment, my plan is for today to be my Day of Rest, according to the Challenge rules for this month. But if tomorrow is the same, I will have to go to Plan B for February. (Because I'm smart, I admit that I already completed my Plan B Challenge activity for today, just in case I end up having to go with it.) The bigger issue is that I really wanted this Challenge this month, but I may have to table it until March which will be really disappointing. However, I'm really excited about the March Challenge, so it wouldn't be all bad if I started on it early. And there are some things we can't control which i HATE to admit. 

Hm. Maybe this is God trying to teach me a lesson. (If you're listening, I'm on to you!!!)


The good news about today is that I got to eat carbs! I purposely "forgot" to take my lunch to work today so that I'd be forced to squeeze a meal in at a nearby restaurant. Around 11:30 when I was almost to the brink of death from starvation I decided to head across the street to Maxx's. [www.maxswinedive.com/Austin] Austinites: Maxx's Wine Dive - so good! Pricey, but affordable for lunch. I went only once in January because I can't eat anything on their menu that I like if I'm not eating carbs and it just became NOT WORTH IT. But today I got to have whatever I want. What did that equal? A plate of chicken, baked macaroni and cheese and a salad. See? I'm not that bad - I just wanted that mac n cheese. And this evening at home when I was craving something sweet, I still went straight to the sugar-free Jello. Not the 20 boxes of Girl Scout cookies (because I'm an awesome Aunt) or the jars of icing or the bags of chocolate candy. 

GO ME!!!


I'm proud of myself that I've learned something and that I didn't run out today and gorge on biscuits with grits and layers of potato or something. What is it that every health, diet and weight-loss guru tells us? EVERYTHING IN MODERATION


So think happy, pain-free thoughts for me tonight so that I can try again for my cardio Challenge.