Say What?? I'm Not Hungry!!

It's Day Four of my cleanse and I had to make myself drink a 4th juice,  and as of when I'm writing this,  I'm not even a little hungry for the 5th one.  I ate an avocado as my one solid "meal." I'm not even sure of what to say about that.  Seems like,  even if my stomach is shrinking,  I should be hungrier than 4 juice and an avocado.  Right?

What else?  Last night I went out to belatedly celebrate my birthday with one of my besties and I decided that I would have a meal.  And a drink.  But I did do it in moderation:

We went to eat at one of my favorite gluttonous restaurants,  Texas Roadhouse. Instead of a steak and loaded makes potatoes and 3 rolls with cinnamon butter and soda,  I ordered a grilled pork chop with steamed veggies (no butter) and a sweet potato with cinnamon (No marshmallows or sugar). And despite wanting a big fat drink,  I had a skinny margarita. I made myself finish the pork chop to get as much protein in my body as possible.  But i couldn't finish the veggies or sweet potato. That was a new one for me. 

And this was an hour after my first without is a week. 

Again,  no words.  But I feel good. I feel healthy and clear. I feel satisfied.  I feel happy and motivated.  So, for the time being, I'm good to keep trucking to the Day Ten finish line. 

Oh, and another fortunate and lovely side effect has been the almost complete lack of caffeine withdrawal I've experienced.  The afternoon of Day One was painful and i eventually succumbed to the pain and had half of a Tall Drip late in the afternoon. I finished that coffee mid-morning on Day Two and haven't been in the slightest pain since.  If I'm withdrawing without the horrible pain,  sweats,  shakes and nausea, I'm sold. And everyone else should be too.

Now,  oddly enough,  the first hard test will come tomorrow,  Day Five.  I have to go to work and that means getting up tomorrow,  and each day next week,  and making 4 of my 5 juices all at once,  and taking 3 of them with me to drink throughout the day.  It will be a Challenge both to make all of my juices at one,  and to do no snacking,  no quick runs across the street to the convenience store. But I'm up for it.  In fact,  maybe making the juice to start the morning will push me to get thru the day easily.

Also tomorrow is my second gym trip since starting the juice cleanse.  Yesterday's was trying on my muscles,  lacking as much protein as I'm used to,  and having not been to the gym in a week.  So I'm eager to see if tomorrow's workout is any easier on my body,  or not. 

I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking this out for even just these first four days,  because it isn't easy.  It hasn't been easy to grocery shop for the four kids when I'm not eating any of it.  It's been a little difficult to cook meals too,  since I'm not eating them.  But not feeling miserable or desperate to quit is nice. WANTING to keep going is a proud feeling. 

Now I want to go to sleep. And I'm mm going to concede to that too. My bed is calling me.

Goodnight.

#29: Uncaffeinated, Unmedicated and Dishonest. But not for long.

During my 7453rd meeting at a coffee shop this month, I decided I could indulge. I ordered a decaf latte and almost died over the flavor. It had been SOOOOO long. *sigh* But the next day I got the worst headache. I'm now beginning to wonder if it was decaf or not? Or maybe there is truth to the rumors I have heard that decaf is never truly 100% uncaffeinated. Either way, that was the end of that because whatever the reason, I shouldn't be having caffeine withdrawal. But, it did remind me that I can't wait to drink a vanilla latte from Starbuck or Coffee Bean. Can. Not. Wait. 

Otherwise, this week has been psychotically hectic and chaotic. Work has been out of control. I haven't had time once this week to actually finish everything I had to do. I even worked today, just to try to get ahead a little. I love being busy at work - definitely prefer it to being bored - but it's possible that I'm too busy. I know for some of you that will sound like someone else is writing this because I never say that, but seriously. 

I also suffered my way thru a four-day long headache that even my neurologist couldn't figure out. But he did decide - right after announcing that he's retiring from private practice in SIX WEEKS and taking a travelling job - to start me on a new preventative medication. According to him there are 15 different ones and I've been on 4 or 5 now, so hopefully that means we have an answer soon? Bad news was that I have to be on the medication for 6 weeks before it can technically be determined to be a "failed medication" so let's all pray that it works because another month and a half of this will kick my ass. 

But as far as the actual challenge of no caffeine goes, it's been a piece a cake. Once it wan't miserable, at least. Altho last night I really REALLY wanted a Coke. But it isn't that I need caffeine or am having any withdrawal or misery, it's just that I miss coffee and the occasional Cherry Coke Zero. So this is when I get to the part of the month where I'm just BORED! I can't wait until the month is over.

And when this month is over, I will be 25% of the way thru the entire year of Challenges. Go 'head!!!

Of course, that means I have to be ready for the next Challenge. I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm ready. I've already decided on the next Challenge and now it's just time to start researching resources so get thru. And I can definitely promise that the Challenge will challenge me for the whole month - and I may be more miserable than when I went carb-free. ACK! Only 6 days to go. 

So the big news - I got engaged. WHAT!!!! I know, I know. Actually, for anyone who knows me well, this is probably quite a shock on general principal, much less the specific circumstances. And I stupidly decided the way to let everyone know was to change my relationship status on Facebook and then announce it in a post. Why in God's name would I do it that way??  Well, we've been dating very quietly - wanting to keep it for ourselves and enjoy the relationship without having to answer questions to people about it all. But then when it was time to move to the next step, i was kind of in a hole. How do I tell people and then tell them it's The One? But we've talked more than once about how I don't have the "I-want-to-get-married-gene" so there was no surprise when I said, "What's the point of a long-engagement? If we are getting married, let's get married. I don't need any of the rest of it." So we decided to just get it done. We knew we wanted a small private ceremony anyway. So it's us and the kids. Period. 

But because I have been convinced by others that this is an opportunity for others to celebrate with us, we will have a party. Promise. Just not now. For now, it's just a chance for us to make it legal and then move on with our life together. 

Of course, I can't just do nothing for Saturday, so I'm getting the kids outfits tomorrow and I'll find mine too. And I have to find a bouquet - not because I care about having flowers there, but I want to have the dried ones for posterity. And our "honeymoon" is one night away from everyone in whatever hotel has the most expensive for no reason rooms here in town. :) That's what I'm talkin' about!!!!

So, next time we chat I'll be hours away from being married. Or as one of my friends calls it, "an honest woman." WEEEEEYYYUUURRRDDD!!!!

HAHAHAHA ... Shhhh ... Don't tell him!!!

#24: February Challenge Wrap Up

February was definitely not what I had pictured or hoped going into it. I made it two weeks of increasing consistency and found a god groove and then ... sick.


So being sick took me out of the running for two weeks. Now it's February 29th and the last day of my Challenge. Tomorrow is a new day, a new month, and therefore, a new Challenge. But before I move into next month, I really need to clear out this month. I was very disappointed not to be able to finish out the month because I was both enjoying it and doing well at it and was looking forward to mixing it up a little to really push myself. I can see that I'm back in the space I was prior to starting in February where I'm tired, overworked, lacking energy. I need to finish this Challenge despite the month it's assigned to being over. There is something in this overall project that is directly linked to my previous inability to finish big things I want to do, big projects I start, big changes I want to make. So to have something else get in the way of my finishing is frustrating. But allowing it to have control or be my excuse is the wrong way for me to force change.

So, for starters, I'm going to continue the February Challenge into March. Rules remain the same:

• Workouts 5 days each week
• Workouts include at least 3 days of cardio and 2 days of strength
• Workouts must be at least 30 minutes, but 3 times each week, the workout must last 40 minutes+

What else am I adding tho? I had a full-blown plan for March that I was ready to begin on with full-enthusiasm. But one my favorite friends was in town for the past 4+ days and during her visit we started a conversation that led me to want a different challenge ... TOO. Grrr ... So I've been trying to decide which to go for because I don't want to do both at once. I want to do both and think that both may be equally hard for me. Because I'm continuing the cardio into March (altho it's the secondary Challenge in March), I think that the March Challenge needs to compliment it versus work against it. 

Because I still plan to have my original March activity in another month, I'm not going to say what it was. So what is the plan now?

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March Challenge:

ELIMINATE CAFFEINE

This is one of the potential activities on my big list of options that I thought "NO WAY." When I was first thinking about this project I was thinking that I probably couldn't make it thru my day without caffeine and that others may not be able to make it thru their days if they were in contact with me and I'm "off" caffeine. Then this weekend I was having a conversation with the friend about vices and it came around that coffee was my vice. I think I was drinking my vice's top line product, aka Vanilla Latte, as we discussed it. I realized that my morning coffee is really part of my routine that affects me significantly when it's off. If I don't have my coffee, I often forget to take my morning pills. If I forget to take my pills, my day is crazy. And even if I take my pills, but forget the coffee, it messes with my brain power, my clarity, my schedule, my promptness and timeliness. And once any of those are off, my whole day gets off. 

Also in the conversation, I realized that I really am relying on the caffeine. How is that different from "needing" to smoke, get high, get drunk, etc.? I'm not sure it is. It's just a more legal version of some of those other list items, and a more accepted version of the others. I have always been somewhat sensitive about my intake of drugs, prescription or otherwise, and alcohol out of concern that I would be come addicted. 

I admittedly come from a family that has various levels of addiction on both sides. I have known from a young age that I am much more likely to be the person to takes one hit of something hard core and is addicted. I've always known I'm much more likely to become dependent on sleep aids, pain relievers, alcohol. And if I'm being brutally honest with myself here, I have gotten carried away with alcohol on many an occasion. I never felt dependent on it, but I have often been bad at stopping myself at the right drink during the night. 

So the processing in the conversation led me to a place where I realized I was addicted to the caffeine. Some of that addiction is mental and schedule related, but I'm certainly physiologically addicted as well: I cannot go without caffeine for a whole day without intense headaches, nausea, shakes, sweating. It is fairly debilitating at its worse. 

So in marches March and I'm going to go cold turkey. it's 6:30pm right now and in 5 1/2 hours, there will be no more caffeine going in my system. That isn't just my coffee, it's soda, tea, chocolate, etc. I know that in order to help my day stay smooth without the coffee, I will still need to have something. So I'm off to the store this evening to buy herbal tea in order to have something each morning and caffeine withdrawal pills that I can chew when the symptoms hit. 

This is gonna be rough!!!

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Bottom line:

FEBRUARY CHALLENGE: C

*Can't totally fail because I did it well when I was doing it. 

MARCH CHALLENGE: No Caffeine

Rules:

• No coffee, even decaf because it isn't truly without all caffeine
• No caffeinated tea
• No chocolate
• No energy drinks

Wish me luck. 

And my friends, kids and family too.