Well, crap. I got too comfortable.
It's been really easy for me to transition into this no-phone thing. I don't really miss it at all. Occasionally I've wished I had the convenience of the phone to make calls, use the apps, check email. But mostly, this is going well.
Unfortunately, what that means for me is that I get into a mental state of "It's really not a problem for me, so it's okay if I use it for blahblahblah." As if, because I don't have a problem NOT having it means that it's okay to have it.
It all started on Monday when I had to have the phone on because I came home from work early to take my daughter to the doctor. So my phone was on, i could see there were texts, but I didn't check them. I did, however, have to use it to talk when worked called twice, and check/return emails a dozen or so times over two hours.
Then Tuesday, I was home for most of the day with my daughter and my phone had to be on all day. I used it to answer work calls a couple times but worked mostly from my computer. But it was on. And out of habit I checked email from it a couple times even tho I had my computer on and open.
That just spiraled into - I" can just turn it on to listen to music." And then "I should check in on the sick kids - I'll text."
Uh, no Lady. Turn the phone off. Do not use the phone. Put the phone away.
And that's what I've done. The phone is off, put away and not with me for easy access. I can use it in two situations: for work (when not at my desk), and for the kids (when not at home or work and their dad is at work so he can't answer the phone). The rest of the time, it has to go away.
I really wish I could understand this thing I do. It's a repeated theme throughout many of these blog entries, many of these Challenges. I give myself a little room because I'm feeling comfortable, confident and in control. And then it gets too loose and I go in hard. Too hard. I spent when I shouldn't have because I thought I was in control. I ate more than I should have because I thought I was in control. I used the phone.
Why do I give myself excuses and permissions? Why can't I just deal with the restriction?
BECAUSE I HAVE NO WILLPOWER.
NONE.
It's how I'm overweight. It's how I was in debt. It's how I stopped working out. It's how I used to drink too much. Too much. Too much. Too much.
Using the phone isn't a big deal. It isn't eating too much. It isn't spending too much. It isn't too much alcohol. But it's consistent with my pattern of over-indulgence, inability to say no to myself, lack of discipline.
I need to get on that. Now.
[*Flips through rolodex for therapist's phone number*]
It's been really easy for me to transition into this no-phone thing. I don't really miss it at all. Occasionally I've wished I had the convenience of the phone to make calls, use the apps, check email. But mostly, this is going well.
Unfortunately, what that means for me is that I get into a mental state of "It's really not a problem for me, so it's okay if I use it for blahblahblah." As if, because I don't have a problem NOT having it means that it's okay to have it.
It all started on Monday when I had to have the phone on because I came home from work early to take my daughter to the doctor. So my phone was on, i could see there were texts, but I didn't check them. I did, however, have to use it to talk when worked called twice, and check/return emails a dozen or so times over two hours.
Then Tuesday, I was home for most of the day with my daughter and my phone had to be on all day. I used it to answer work calls a couple times but worked mostly from my computer. But it was on. And out of habit I checked email from it a couple times even tho I had my computer on and open.
That just spiraled into - I" can just turn it on to listen to music." And then "I should check in on the sick kids - I'll text."
Uh, no Lady. Turn the phone off. Do not use the phone. Put the phone away.
And that's what I've done. The phone is off, put away and not with me for easy access. I can use it in two situations: for work (when not at my desk), and for the kids (when not at home or work and their dad is at work so he can't answer the phone). The rest of the time, it has to go away.
I really wish I could understand this thing I do. It's a repeated theme throughout many of these blog entries, many of these Challenges. I give myself a little room because I'm feeling comfortable, confident and in control. And then it gets too loose and I go in hard. Too hard. I spent when I shouldn't have because I thought I was in control. I ate more than I should have because I thought I was in control. I used the phone.
Why do I give myself excuses and permissions? Why can't I just deal with the restriction?
BECAUSE I HAVE NO WILLPOWER.
NONE.
It's how I'm overweight. It's how I was in debt. It's how I stopped working out. It's how I used to drink too much. Too much. Too much. Too much.
Using the phone isn't a big deal. It isn't eating too much. It isn't spending too much. It isn't too much alcohol. But it's consistent with my pattern of over-indulgence, inability to say no to myself, lack of discipline.
I need to get on that. Now.
[*Flips through rolodex for therapist's phone number*]
Story of my life Cat. You are not alone on that one. You can do it...on all levels, not just the phone. I see my success and I'm like "ok, I'll indulge this one time", but then it leads to the next time, the next time and before you know it, I'm right back where I started. I'm feeling the difference now...working hard to not let my indulgences take over!
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