We all have our weaknesses. Some of us have MANY of them. Some of us have just ONE. Some have COUNTLESS and some would have you believe they have NONE.
Errrrr ... this is starting to sound like a nursery rhyme I used to know about some little piggies. Let's try this again.
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No matter how strong I am, no matter how resolved, no matter how protected or prepared, my weakness still finds its way in. We all have them:
Shopping Ice Cream Beer The cute boy Electronics
Donuts Pedicures Shoes Purses Hats Gambling
Some are more complicated weaknesses. Some are weaknesses that can cause us pain, bring us harm, hurt our lives or our livelihoods. Some weaknesses are small, slight, minor and really make no difference even when we give in. Some of our weaknesses are really about things we keep ourselves from because we think know hope believe, that NOT giving in will improve our mind, our body, our life.
For those things that can really cause you pain or negativity, we call them addictions or dependencies. For those things that aren't good for you, don't help you, don't improve your life or your person, we call them the downgraded version of addictions; we call them vices.
Vices are my problem. Vices are my outlet. They are how I get away on a hard day. They are how I reward myself or give myself a pick me up. They are my go-to when I am feeling like I just can't deal.
Some people give in to their weaknesses - their VICES - every time. Some people give in to them less often but intensely. Some people use them sparingly, smartly, healthily - if you can healthily have a vice. I tend to be a person who uses my vices to feel better or have a pick-me-up. I try to use them sparingly, but I don't even begin to try to claim that it's in any healthy sort of way. I go for long periods of time without engaging my weaknesses, and even find ways to phase out a vice. Of course, I'm also really good at finding something new to fill in the hole left by a previous vice.
And then there are times where my vice becomes such a crutch that I don't think the word vice is even a fair word to use. At that point, it's really more a habit. I've noticed lately, highlighted particularly by this Challenge of no cell phone, that my current weakness, my current favorite vice, is incredibly hard to resist. And I'm probably significantly closer to this weakness being a habit than a vice.
And yet I find myself wholly uninterested in waning, decreasing, changing it at all. I don't even care about hiding it or excusing it at this point. In a sort of childish-go-ahead-and-dare-me-not-to way.
What I wish I could say for sure is whether my habit is in such high use because it's currently forbidden by my Challenge, or just because it's a part of what makes me happy.
I have had my moments of trying to re-resolve to do what I have laid out as my plan. But I give in almost as quickly as the thought to not give in has formed. While nothing has changed about the ease with which I'm managing "No Phone," I'm finding that almost daily I'm breaking from the Challenge for a little divergence towards my weakness. Why is it that no matter how strong I'm feeling, no matter how resolved, I can't resist?
I've considered using some behavior modification techniques to stop myself from indulging. You know, the rubber band around your wrist that you snap each time you think about the vice. The pinch you give yourself every time you want to give in. But the truth is, I don't WANT to stop myself. I like the indulgence. Despite it going against what I know is right or good for me or should be done, I like indulging. Despite what I've told myself I'll do, told myself I want to do, committed to doing, I like the that my indulgence has become a habit. It's comforting, it makes me happy, it calms me.
So, what do you do when you want both to do what you SHOULD do and do what you SHOULDN'T do?
For now, my answer is ... INDULGE.
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Donuts Pedicures Shoes Purses Hats Gambling
Some are more complicated weaknesses. Some are weaknesses that can cause us pain, bring us harm, hurt our lives or our livelihoods. Some weaknesses are small, slight, minor and really make no difference even when we give in. Some of our weaknesses are really about things we keep ourselves from because we think know hope believe, that NOT giving in will improve our mind, our body, our life.
For those things that can really cause you pain or negativity, we call them addictions or dependencies. For those things that aren't good for you, don't help you, don't improve your life or your person, we call them the downgraded version of addictions; we call them vices.
Vices are my problem. Vices are my outlet. They are how I get away on a hard day. They are how I reward myself or give myself a pick me up. They are my go-to when I am feeling like I just can't deal.
Some people give in to their weaknesses - their VICES - every time. Some people give in to them less often but intensely. Some people use them sparingly, smartly, healthily - if you can healthily have a vice. I tend to be a person who uses my vices to feel better or have a pick-me-up. I try to use them sparingly, but I don't even begin to try to claim that it's in any healthy sort of way. I go for long periods of time without engaging my weaknesses, and even find ways to phase out a vice. Of course, I'm also really good at finding something new to fill in the hole left by a previous vice.
And then there are times where my vice becomes such a crutch that I don't think the word vice is even a fair word to use. At that point, it's really more a habit. I've noticed lately, highlighted particularly by this Challenge of no cell phone, that my current weakness, my current favorite vice, is incredibly hard to resist. And I'm probably significantly closer to this weakness being a habit than a vice.
And yet I find myself wholly uninterested in waning, decreasing, changing it at all. I don't even care about hiding it or excusing it at this point. In a sort of childish-go-ahead-and-dare-me-not-to way.
What I wish I could say for sure is whether my habit is in such high use because it's currently forbidden by my Challenge, or just because it's a part of what makes me happy.
I have had my moments of trying to re-resolve to do what I have laid out as my plan. But I give in almost as quickly as the thought to not give in has formed. While nothing has changed about the ease with which I'm managing "No Phone," I'm finding that almost daily I'm breaking from the Challenge for a little divergence towards my weakness. Why is it that no matter how strong I'm feeling, no matter how resolved, I can't resist?
I've considered using some behavior modification techniques to stop myself from indulging. You know, the rubber band around your wrist that you snap each time you think about the vice. The pinch you give yourself every time you want to give in. But the truth is, I don't WANT to stop myself. I like the indulgence. Despite it going against what I know is right or good for me or should be done, I like indulging. Despite what I've told myself I'll do, told myself I want to do, committed to doing, I like the that my indulgence has become a habit. It's comforting, it makes me happy, it calms me.
So, what do you do when you want both to do what you SHOULD do and do what you SHOULDN'T do?
For now, my answer is ... INDULGE.
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