#34: Unfocused, Distracted, and Unfocused

Not eating meat means I am not getting nearly enough protein. Not eating nearly enough protein means I'm EXHAUSTED. I don't really miss meat terribly, but I miss energy. For that, I can't wait to get through the next 11 days. 


Things I'm looking forward to when I'm UIM (Under the Influence of Meat):

• I won't forget the sentence I uttered 10 seconds prior
• My answers to question like "Is Dad eating with us?" won't result in answers like"No, he's already here." 
• I will be able to stay awake past 6pm. 
• I will be awake late enough to blog. 
• I will care about food because I will be able to enjoy more than the taste of cheese, roasted veggies and hummus.
• I won't smell like a rotation of falafel and indian spices. 
• I won't wake up at 4:45am each day so hungry I can barely get to the kitchen fast enough.
• I won't think Pop Tarts sound like a good snack.
• Chips and salsa won't be an acceptable meal. 
• Going out to eat will be significantly more satisfying.
• I will be more focused and less likely to take 10 minute breaks between words.
• It won't take me 3 hours to type 40 lines. In a blog. About myself. And my daily experiences.
• I'll be able to complete a shopping trip without forgetting what I went to the store for.

Now let me be honest about some other revelations from the 19 days of this Challenge, and especially the past 11 days since my last blog entry:

• I have barely eaten. It's funny because altho I don't "miss" meat, I'm not so interested in a lot of other things. Plus, my kids aren't so much supporting this Challenge. At least they aren't showing solidarity by doing it with me. So, when I cook meals like Ribs, sausage stuffed mushrooms, corn and yams, it makes dinner boring. Corn and yams aren't enough. 
• I have very few things that I feel like I can't manage without. I'm too tired to eat half the time, I'm too tired to care about the television or the computer or my phone. In fact, I leave my phone in my purse or at home all the time. Clearly the lack of energy makes me a shitty friend. 
• Food is really way too much of a comfort for me. When I'm exhausted, I want to go get something bad for me. When I'm angry, I want to go get something greasy. When I'm stressed or anxious, I want to go get a latte. When did that happen? Was I rewarded with food as a kid? Were treats for good behavior edible? I'm not sure, I don't recall. But, I know I need to get that in check. 
• Am I creating that same problem in my kids too? I realized yesterday, when I rewarded them for volunteering with frozen yogurt, that I might consider finding something else as prize for things that have been good or even when they've had a hard day. It's our job to create habits in our children. It's our job to create happy, healthy, sane, productive habits. 
• Early this month I started counseling. Or, rather, I RE-started counseling. And, man, THANK the GOOD Lord for that! I tried to start in March, but I ... let's just say I didn't mesh with the woman. Plus she was always late - both to start and end our time. Late = enemy. But a few weeks ago I found this great counselor who is just my speed. I am already feeling relief and I look forward to a few weeks from now. 

I feel like I should have more to say. I feel like there should be something significant that has happened given the time that's past since I last wrote. It seems like, given how hectic my home life and my work life have been, that I should be able to fill pages and pages and pages. Instead I feel totally distracted and unfocused.

Maybe it's the exhaustion. From the lack of protein. 

#33: What's Easter Without Pot Roast and Ham?

Going VEGETARIAN has been remarkably easy. Hope I don't jinx myself, but truthfully, I don't really miss meat. 


And I've dropped 5 pounds.     Uh, sold. 

Yes, the bacon the kids were eating the other night smelled good on their breath, but I wasn't having to restrain myself from licking their faces. Yes, the ham at Easter dinner was yummy-looking, but I wasn't sad that I couldn't have any. 


The hardest part probably? Eating out. The rest of the family is wholly uninterested in participating in this challenge with me so we aren't frequenting any Vegetarian or Vegan establishments. And, I've come to learn that many of the places I go to eat don't have a large Veggie menu. 

For instance, went out to eat with The Boy last night for dinner to a yummy local Mexican restaurant. There were 3 pages of menu items, probably 60 items in total. There were 5 meatless choices:  bean & cheese nachos, quesadilla, cheese enchiladas, veggie fajitas and chile con queso. So ... essentially cheese or green peppers and onions. Or both. Luckily, they Nopales on the menu which I LOVE! So I ordered a quesadilla with onions and nopales. MmmMmmMmm. 

I've also made some really ridiculous choices. One night this week The Boy and I went out and after months of trying to get him to try a local Brazilian Steakhouse, he decided he was up for it. While I'm Going Veggie. But I was so excited for him to eat their amazing food, that I went anyway. I knew I'd be okay because they have an extensive "Salad Bar" which consists of way more than salad. There is definitely a fair share of casear, spinach and spring mix salad fixins and fresh raw and grilled veggies. But there are also fresh cheeses, potato salad, pasta salad, bread, fried polenta, fried plantains, and on and on. Plus it was kind of fun to see him enjoy selecting which meats he wanted from the circling Gauchos all evening. It was also entertaining to see him select the same three favorites that I have. 


And now I have something to look forward to doing again in May. 


I've also been surprised to find that I'm not starving like I thought I'd be. The particularly interesting part of my selecting Vegetarian as a Challenge, is that I have no craving for the likes of breads, pastas, rices, potatoes. I don't really care for most crackers and grains. So most of my diet is fruit, vegetables, tofu and peanut butter. But I have indulged in the occasional sweet potato or pasta salad. And yet, not starving. 


Actually, one of the best parts of this is that The Boy has made me a couple batches of homemade peanut butter - my absolute favorite kind of peanut butter. And I eat it in any way I can: one celery for breakfast, with pita chips for snack, with a spoon for cravings. Yum.

Also, eating so much fresh fruit and veggies really keeps me from eating desserts because my mind questions the process of eating healthy food washed down my sugar and fat. 


My biggest slip up thus far? Last night I was making spaghetti for the kiddos which included browning some beef and I popped a piece of beef in my mouth to test its done-ness and started to chew before I realized what I'd done. I promptly yelped and spit it directly into the sink making my kids think they were about to eat a nasty dinner. Bonus! But really, the funniest part of that? I was happy to not have the beef. It really tasted strong. 


That's actually the same thin I thought about the bacon smell on my youngest's fingers when she toddled over to me yesterday "Too Strong. Get Away."


So, I wonder if after another 22 days of this, I'll be dying for some meat or ready to extend the challenge another month? 


Speaking of extended Challenges, my relationship with coffee seems to be forever marred by taking 31 days off the caffeine train. My vice I've spoken so much about, the infamous Vanilla Latte, has not tasted good the last two times I've ordered it. I've been okay with coffee at home, but I just don't seem to have the same interest in my coffee. I also find that when I'm ordering it, I'm ordering it at least "HalfCaf" if not full DeCaf because I know that my physiological addiction to caffeine is no joke and I'm not the least bit interested in withdrawaling or withdrawal headaches. 

Never thought I'd be considering whether there was any reason to continue with the Coffee. But I am. 


Also funny this week is that my family seem to be Challenging me with 30 Day Challenge ideas that I really want to try. I'm currently kicking around "Not Spending Any Money Outside of Bills & Necessities" based on The Boy telling me "You can't NOT spend money;" and "No Swearing" because The Princess dared me to try it out after I let loose a string of expletives on a dumb-Texas-driver. 


I'm certain I can go without spending. I think. Maybe.

And I'm certain I will fail miserably at the No Swearing. 

So, naturally, I want to try both. The Spending to prove him wrong and the Swearing to really push myself. I'm thinking these are May and June respectively, but we will see.