#36: I'd Like You to Meet My Friend MEAT.

WHATWHAT!!! 


This has been a really good week. 


1) There are officially 2 days left in this hell-month of no meat. 
2) I have had a professionally exhausting, yet rewarding week with a couple of huge firsts. 

• We graduated our first Gateway class in Bastrop, a small city east of Austin that has been known most recently as destroyed by wildfires. Their residents are in great need of workforce development training opportunities and it felt so good to assist with that. 
• We are 38 hours from the opening of our first Online Auction to raise money for the Skillpoint Alliance programs. This event has taken many hands, and lots of work. But we are almost done. IT's a really cool combination of items to bid on from April 30-May16: www.biddingforgood.com/SkillpointAlliance
• We are 80% of the way thru our very first grant proposal to the Department of Labor. Aside from asking for almost $1.1 Million, DOL grant are incredibly complex and lengthy. 
• I just realized that next week we will both submit that grant and start the Auction making next week a lot of fun to look forward to too. 

3) I have had a really fun week with The Boy. It isn't just the fun, tho; it's the partnership. It was a long week for me, with long hours each night (and a headache Monday-Wednesday) and he picked up all the dinner/kid slack that I usually handle. Add to that some great conversation, big laughs and real realness. GREAT. 

4) I have dates scheduled with The Bestie and Mrs. Favorite for May. 

5) I cheated on my Challenge, eating one-bite of chicken. It was good, I don't feel bad in the least, and it was on day 25 of this Challenge, so WHATEVS!

6) The kids are having good weeks with behavior, attitude, school, grades, music, sports. 

So, let's get back to the most important 2 items on here: #1 and ... nope, at this point only #1 matters to me at all. 

I love veggies. I love eggs.

Oh, wait, that reminds me. This week I got into a ridiculous debate about whether eggs are meat. Eggs. So, I understand they come FROM a meat-maker. I understand that if allowed to develop they BECOME a meat-maker. But, in their form as an egg, they are EGGS. Why is this complicated? And don't even get me started on The Nephew who chimed into the debate to suggest that they were DAIRY. (Which, by the by, I Googled and apparently quite a few other people think eggs are dairy, not to mention those who think they are meat. COME. ON.) This debate, of course, was fueled by someone trying to convince me that I wasn't allowed to eat them in April. After the string of expletives they got from me, I went about explaining how dumb they are. That, apparently, is NOT an effective argument point. 

Back to the point I was making ...

I love fruit. I love peanut butter. I "like significantly" tofu. I "like moderately" grains. 

But I miss meat. 

Meat and I have big plans in May. BIG PLANS!!!!

I was surfing the internet looking for pictures of meat, as we all do. And I found my first official meal in May:

Who's with me??

But seriously, I have found quite a few new friends on the WorldWideWeb. Here are some that I'd like you to MEAT: 

In T minus 52 hours, I plan to introduce myself. In fact, my alarm is set for midnight May 1, just so I can eat. 

What I have failed to mention is the hell I've created for myself in May.  My May Challenge is "No Spending Outside of Bills & Necessities." This means that unless other people take me out to eat, I will have to make everything I eat in May. I mean, there are plenty of other issues I'm going to have with the May Challenge, but that's what the May blog entries are for. Today, I'm solely focused on the fact that I won't be able to go out for a yummy steak dinner or a juicy burger. There will be no trip to Fogo de Chao or going out for Chicken n Waffles. 

Better break out and dust off all the meat-making cookbooks. 

By the way, if you're looking for something else almost as awesome to read at this blog, check out averycan.blogspot.com.  These parents are the epitome of embracing life no matter what it brings and focusing on living fully. Prayers and awe for them. 

#35: The Meaning Of April

I'm currently suffering from a burst of energy. 


Suffering? Yep. 


I say that because yesterday was super-low energy so today I'm making up for it in droves. I've been up since 5am - on a Saturday - for no reason, except that I couldn't sleep. Since being up, I've washed the dishes by hand - because that's how I prefer to; cleaned out the fridge - which I like to do weekly but don't often have the time/energy to lately; started the beans for tonight's dinner - something I've thought about doing for at least the past 5 days and forgotten every morning; made coffee and oatmeal - eating breakfast is one of the biggest challenges that I have; cleaned up the kitchen table - which had been acting as the family storage center the past couple of days; caught up on some work so tomorrow is easier; and since 7, when she got up, have been hanging out with Kira. 


I'm not sure why I'm having so much energy expect maybe that I got 6 hours of sleep, when I usually average 4-5 and that yesterday I exerted very little energy because of my mood. 

Yesterday was a harder day for me. I have developed some anxiety-issues over the past couple of years and while I've learned some great coping mechanisms, they don't eliminate the anxiety, they diminish its control on me.  Regardless of my coping, however, I still have to manage to get thru the day. Things like large crowds, small talk, having patience and sometimes just talking to people is difficult. Yesterday everything was harder, but I got thru it. And today I'm better. 


It always happens like that. Usually. Most of the time. I mean ... occasionally I have two bad days in a row, but that's not my norm. And today I'm good so ... good. 


Thinking specifically about food, I'm wondering if I need to do some research about protein and meat and it's effect on our mentalities. I have definitely spent much of the last 22 days feeling lower than I do generally. A lot of that I attribute to energy levels, but it's been crossing my mind again and again that maybe it also has to do with my nutrition. Yesterday I had a moment that highlighted this suspicion:


My nephew has a basketball tournament in town this weekend, so while that means we have 5 games to watch over the two days, it also means that in between the games we can live our life. The weather was gorgeous and we had a 5 hour break between games 2 & 3 so we went to eat. We picked a place I hadn't been to because I'd heard talk of it's salad bar. 


[[Pause for a moment of silence.]]


Never thought I'd be saying those words. I'm laughing at myself right now because when in the world did I think I'd be seeking out restaurants that had "great salad bars?" 

As I was saying ... I ate a huge, and yummy, salad filled with veggie-goodness. As full as it made me, it was NOT helping with my mood at all. On my way up for a second bowl of salad I passed a guy who was eating cottage cheeses, sesame sticks and 5 hard boiled eggs. While I'm not crazy enough to eat 5, I realized I probably need protein. So one hard-boiled egg later, better mood. Hmmm ... I might be on to something here. 


Normally, no matter how low I am, food helps. When my blood sugar gets low I really can't manage anything very well. Most of that is because I have horrible eating habits. Not horrible habits like eating junk food and fast food and crap food as much as horrible habits like not eating. I will go all day without food and then it's 6pm and I'm starving and I 1) have no patience or tolerance or decision making ability and 2) cannot wait for cooking - MUST. EAT. NOW. So, my body spends 75% of the day in starvation mode and storing everything - even water - as fat in case I never feed myself again. And then in the last 4 hours of being awake, and the last hour where I'm supposed to be healthily ingesting food, I fill it with whatever I can eat quickly and easily.  


So, while I've thought for a long time that it was just any food that I needed and then I'd see an instant increase to my blood sugar and mood, I now a questioning whether what it really is is that my body needs protein. And usually when I eat, I love to have protein whether in the form of meat, cheese, PB. But since I'm cutting out meat and trying to limit my cheese and PB for bowel and fat reasons, I've been eating mostly fruit and veggies and some grains. None of that is helpful to my energy or mood, really. 

This is PROTEIN in scientific imaging.

See? It might have taken 22 days -- maybe due to the "low protein = low brain power" issue -- but I think I've found some really-good "good" in this challenge. Up until this point in the April Challenge, I've been thinking that most of the "good" was that I was seeing less need for meat and noticing that I really don't miss all meat so when I'm eating it again, I may be more selective. Now I'm thinking I may have found something that will have life-time benefits. 


Plus, it gives me something new to obsessively research. And if you've followed this blog at all, you know that obsessive research is one of my favorite compulsions of all!! 

#34: Unfocused, Distracted, and Unfocused

Not eating meat means I am not getting nearly enough protein. Not eating nearly enough protein means I'm EXHAUSTED. I don't really miss meat terribly, but I miss energy. For that, I can't wait to get through the next 11 days. 


Things I'm looking forward to when I'm UIM (Under the Influence of Meat):

• I won't forget the sentence I uttered 10 seconds prior
• My answers to question like "Is Dad eating with us?" won't result in answers like"No, he's already here." 
• I will be able to stay awake past 6pm. 
• I will be awake late enough to blog. 
• I will care about food because I will be able to enjoy more than the taste of cheese, roasted veggies and hummus.
• I won't smell like a rotation of falafel and indian spices. 
• I won't wake up at 4:45am each day so hungry I can barely get to the kitchen fast enough.
• I won't think Pop Tarts sound like a good snack.
• Chips and salsa won't be an acceptable meal. 
• Going out to eat will be significantly more satisfying.
• I will be more focused and less likely to take 10 minute breaks between words.
• It won't take me 3 hours to type 40 lines. In a blog. About myself. And my daily experiences.
• I'll be able to complete a shopping trip without forgetting what I went to the store for.

Now let me be honest about some other revelations from the 19 days of this Challenge, and especially the past 11 days since my last blog entry:

• I have barely eaten. It's funny because altho I don't "miss" meat, I'm not so interested in a lot of other things. Plus, my kids aren't so much supporting this Challenge. At least they aren't showing solidarity by doing it with me. So, when I cook meals like Ribs, sausage stuffed mushrooms, corn and yams, it makes dinner boring. Corn and yams aren't enough. 
• I have very few things that I feel like I can't manage without. I'm too tired to eat half the time, I'm too tired to care about the television or the computer or my phone. In fact, I leave my phone in my purse or at home all the time. Clearly the lack of energy makes me a shitty friend. 
• Food is really way too much of a comfort for me. When I'm exhausted, I want to go get something bad for me. When I'm angry, I want to go get something greasy. When I'm stressed or anxious, I want to go get a latte. When did that happen? Was I rewarded with food as a kid? Were treats for good behavior edible? I'm not sure, I don't recall. But, I know I need to get that in check. 
• Am I creating that same problem in my kids too? I realized yesterday, when I rewarded them for volunteering with frozen yogurt, that I might consider finding something else as prize for things that have been good or even when they've had a hard day. It's our job to create habits in our children. It's our job to create happy, healthy, sane, productive habits. 
• Early this month I started counseling. Or, rather, I RE-started counseling. And, man, THANK the GOOD Lord for that! I tried to start in March, but I ... let's just say I didn't mesh with the woman. Plus she was always late - both to start and end our time. Late = enemy. But a few weeks ago I found this great counselor who is just my speed. I am already feeling relief and I look forward to a few weeks from now. 

I feel like I should have more to say. I feel like there should be something significant that has happened given the time that's past since I last wrote. It seems like, given how hectic my home life and my work life have been, that I should be able to fill pages and pages and pages. Instead I feel totally distracted and unfocused.

Maybe it's the exhaustion. From the lack of protein. 

#33: What's Easter Without Pot Roast and Ham?

Going VEGETARIAN has been remarkably easy. Hope I don't jinx myself, but truthfully, I don't really miss meat. 


And I've dropped 5 pounds.     Uh, sold. 

Yes, the bacon the kids were eating the other night smelled good on their breath, but I wasn't having to restrain myself from licking their faces. Yes, the ham at Easter dinner was yummy-looking, but I wasn't sad that I couldn't have any. 


The hardest part probably? Eating out. The rest of the family is wholly uninterested in participating in this challenge with me so we aren't frequenting any Vegetarian or Vegan establishments. And, I've come to learn that many of the places I go to eat don't have a large Veggie menu. 

For instance, went out to eat with The Boy last night for dinner to a yummy local Mexican restaurant. There were 3 pages of menu items, probably 60 items in total. There were 5 meatless choices:  bean & cheese nachos, quesadilla, cheese enchiladas, veggie fajitas and chile con queso. So ... essentially cheese or green peppers and onions. Or both. Luckily, they Nopales on the menu which I LOVE! So I ordered a quesadilla with onions and nopales. MmmMmmMmm. 

I've also made some really ridiculous choices. One night this week The Boy and I went out and after months of trying to get him to try a local Brazilian Steakhouse, he decided he was up for it. While I'm Going Veggie. But I was so excited for him to eat their amazing food, that I went anyway. I knew I'd be okay because they have an extensive "Salad Bar" which consists of way more than salad. There is definitely a fair share of casear, spinach and spring mix salad fixins and fresh raw and grilled veggies. But there are also fresh cheeses, potato salad, pasta salad, bread, fried polenta, fried plantains, and on and on. Plus it was kind of fun to see him enjoy selecting which meats he wanted from the circling Gauchos all evening. It was also entertaining to see him select the same three favorites that I have. 


And now I have something to look forward to doing again in May. 


I've also been surprised to find that I'm not starving like I thought I'd be. The particularly interesting part of my selecting Vegetarian as a Challenge, is that I have no craving for the likes of breads, pastas, rices, potatoes. I don't really care for most crackers and grains. So most of my diet is fruit, vegetables, tofu and peanut butter. But I have indulged in the occasional sweet potato or pasta salad. And yet, not starving. 


Actually, one of the best parts of this is that The Boy has made me a couple batches of homemade peanut butter - my absolute favorite kind of peanut butter. And I eat it in any way I can: one celery for breakfast, with pita chips for snack, with a spoon for cravings. Yum.

Also, eating so much fresh fruit and veggies really keeps me from eating desserts because my mind questions the process of eating healthy food washed down my sugar and fat. 


My biggest slip up thus far? Last night I was making spaghetti for the kiddos which included browning some beef and I popped a piece of beef in my mouth to test its done-ness and started to chew before I realized what I'd done. I promptly yelped and spit it directly into the sink making my kids think they were about to eat a nasty dinner. Bonus! But really, the funniest part of that? I was happy to not have the beef. It really tasted strong. 


That's actually the same thin I thought about the bacon smell on my youngest's fingers when she toddled over to me yesterday "Too Strong. Get Away."


So, I wonder if after another 22 days of this, I'll be dying for some meat or ready to extend the challenge another month? 


Speaking of extended Challenges, my relationship with coffee seems to be forever marred by taking 31 days off the caffeine train. My vice I've spoken so much about, the infamous Vanilla Latte, has not tasted good the last two times I've ordered it. I've been okay with coffee at home, but I just don't seem to have the same interest in my coffee. I also find that when I'm ordering it, I'm ordering it at least "HalfCaf" if not full DeCaf because I know that my physiological addiction to caffeine is no joke and I'm not the least bit interested in withdrawaling or withdrawal headaches. 

Never thought I'd be considering whether there was any reason to continue with the Coffee. But I am. 


Also funny this week is that my family seem to be Challenging me with 30 Day Challenge ideas that I really want to try. I'm currently kicking around "Not Spending Any Money Outside of Bills & Necessities" based on The Boy telling me "You can't NOT spend money;" and "No Swearing" because The Princess dared me to try it out after I let loose a string of expletives on a dumb-Texas-driver. 


I'm certain I can go without spending. I think. Maybe.

And I'm certain I will fail miserably at the No Swearing. 

So, naturally, I want to try both. The Spending to prove him wrong and the Swearing to really push myself. I'm thinking these are May and June respectively, but we will see. 

#32: If I Had an Appetite, I'd Probably Miss Meat

Lucky for me, I have had no appetite at all because I haven't really embraced this Challenge just yet. 


Yesterday, during Day One of the Challenge (Day 92 of the Challenge overall), I drove my little brother to Waco to meet up with another brother. Where did we meet? Rudy's Barbeque. It's not the BEST barbeque, but it isn't bad. And it's incredibly tempting when you're not supposed to be eating meat. So I indulged in baked beans, potato salad and peach cobbler. The potato salad wasn't great, the peach cobbler was pretty good and the baked beans were off the chain, but I'm pretty sure there was bacon stock in there. The success was that I drove 2 hours back to Austin with the kids eating sausage and brisket. Good sausage and brisket. And I ate NONE. Suckers. 

I smartly went to sleep soon after getting home. I say smartly because I was feeling incredibly unsatisfied and in need of some protein. 


This morning I started with granola and milk. A good way to start the day for me, actually. Tastes good, filling, satisfying. Interestingly, I skipped the coffee, again. [So far, not so dying to have it back in my diet so much.] I made it through the day and then around 3 this afternoon, I was starving. But nothing sounded good. Truthfully, meat didn't even sound good. I just didn't have an appetite. 


After an afternoon of errands and kids and homework and music practice and reading, I decided dinner would behoove us. The Princess opted for cereal - apparently my new meat-less diet is unappetizing for her also. The Teen and I went for quesadillas which I smothered in salsa.      Meh. 

I really love a good quesadilla, but this time it wasn't great. This time is was by default because everything else that sounded remotely good was meaty. Grrr ...


But I rewarded my meatless day, or two days, with cookies tonight. I'm going to have to get over that too. 


Here's hoping for a yummy salad tomorrow!

#31: Coffee, Veggies, April Fools and Other Things

It's April 1, 2012. That means a few things:


1) I got to make coffee this morning. 
2) I've already made it 10+ hours without eating meat. 
3) I just announced that I'd been playing an elaborate prank on my friends and family for the past 6 days. 


So, made coffee. Made it how I've made it everyday for years. It was NOT good. I refuse to give up, however. I will just try again tomorrow with a variation. And if I've simply lost my taste for it, that's fine too. But I'm not ready to admit defeat just yet. 


I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast. It's been a long time since that's been my breakfast of choice, but I thought it best to stay away from anything that I would normally pair with breakfast meat like eggs or grits. I have to strengthen my resolve some before I go diving into such treacherous waters.

I'm looking forward to how the day plays out. Hoping that everyone laughs at my joke and sees the humor. To any blog readers who thought I was serious, I did NOT get married. I was NOT engaged. There is No Kevin - at least not in my life. But the fact that so many people who are so close to me, friends and family alike, believed that I would marry someone that NO ONE had heard of, makes me curious. Or that I would announce an engagement and marry in 6 days time. Or that I would tell EVERYONE but invite NO ONE. 


I know I was crazy in my former life(lives) but I promise that if I ever marry (something I'm still on the fence about), I will either sneak away and announce after, or announce and invite. :)


Off to avoid meat for the rest of the day. 


Love to you all!!