#39: TWO WEEKS?!?!?!?!

2 weeks??? It's been 2 weeks since I last blogged?? I don't know how that happened, but I'm pretty sure I know why. 


I've been a bad girl. And not in the fun way that I've been a bad girl for most of my life. I've been spending-money-bad. DangIt!


I am surprised to find that this is the hardest of the Challenges that I have done so far. Going into May I expected it to be difficult but in a different way. I expected it to really challenge me that I couldn't go shopping for the kids, buy myself a new pair of heels, buy gifts for people. I thought I'd get thru the small items like coffee, eating out, snacks. 


Not so much. 


Other than a brief brush with Target on Friday where I really wanted to buy all the adorable toddler clothes, summer sandals and unnecessary electronics that I laid my eyes on, I have been fine about not spending. I've said no to going to the movies, buying shoes, Charming Charlie's. I've paid for kitchen-fulls of groceries so that I'd have no need to eat out. I've avoided dozens of spending opportunities. 


And yet I've definitely spent. I was good for awhile. Really good. But then I caved. And it's just spiraled. I liken it to when you go out drinking and you avoid the bathroom because you know what happens once you break the seal. Well ... I broke the seal. And once it was leaking, I think my mentality became "well, I've spent, so what's the point in being totally tight-walleted?" And a little bit of "Maybe if I just don't tell anyone." 


So it was the coffee at Coffe Bean or The Coffee Cup when I hadn't left time to make it at home in the morning. It was the stop at the soda shop for a real soda-jerk sods on my way to an appointment when I "needed a quick break." It was the stop at a drive-thru for a meal when I'd been on the run for 14 hours and still hadn't eaten. It was buying the kids something to eat because we were on the road and they were hungry.


That spiraled into the mp3 download on Amazon without thinking of what I was doing. It spiraled into a couple of books on my new Kindle from The Boy. My kids and my man were really keeping me honest. But the seal was broken. 


And yesterday I was called out on my spending and I immediately began with the excuses: "It wasn't for me." "She was hungry." "It was just the one." No matter what they were, they were excuses and they are no good. I knew I was being bad. I knew I was making bad choices. I knew I was hiding it. 


But I lost control this weekend. Last night I bought the kids & neighbor-kids delivery pizza. This morning I bought breakfast on the go for everyone. In between the 2 night games we watched my nephew play in, we went to dinner. At a restaurant. 


I'm so annoyed with myself. And so confused at why this is difficult. I don't have that answer, but I'm sure it has something to do with whatever also has me unable to control my eating. I heard once that people who struggle to control their weight, struggle to control their money. I'm beginning to believe that's true. 


So this blog is about outing myself. 


And caulking the leak.


I'm back on the wagon ... No spending on unnecessary items. 

#38: This Should Be Interesting

Something I have realized this week is that while I'm doing 30-day Challenges that are often really stretching of me, the overall process of this has me really thinking about myself, even when completely unrelated to whatever current Challenge I'm doing.  


On Friday, I found myself having a conversation I had never had with another person. But, a conversation I've often had with myself. The ability to have the conversation came, in part, because of the growth this process has brought me. I realized in the conversation that I need to focus myself on something completely different than my current Challenge, and yet, the "No-Spending" is probably the most difficult for me mentally and lifestyle-wise, so I really don't want to change it. The other thing I'm understanding is that the issues I have that make not spending so difficult, are also pushing me in other areas of my life. 


Not spending money isn't just about saving my "money-dollars" as The Toddler would call it. It's about when I spend money, and why. It's about being lazy, lacking will-power, driven by instant-gratification, "feeding" my emotions, finding ways to fill voids. 


So, since my last post 3 days ago, I've made it thru a Thursday, a Friday and a Saturday. This may not seem significant to everyone, but let me be clear: my family structure includes spending weekend doing things. This could be eating out, going to the movies, shopping, doing activities, driving somewhere unexpected. This was going to be difficult if we can't spend money. One of the things I'm really looking forward to, is calculating what I spent this month on eating out, extras, nothings, miscellaneous, entertainment, fun and comparing it to what I spent on average from January - April on each of those. I guarantee it looked nothing like this:


Thursday 
1. That night we hung out, spent time together as a family just relaxing. Cost: $0;
2. To eat, we made dinner at home. Cost: $0.


Friday 
1. In the morning had to pay for parking , but it was necessary. Cost: $1;
2. That evening, The Boy and I went to eat sushi. Cost $0 - (on him);
3. Went to see Kevin Hart (with tickets bought months ago). Cost: $8 - parking.
4. Late night drunken pancakes at IHOP. Cost: $0 - (on him, again). 
**So, it cost me the $8 to park at the event, but I considered that both a necessity and the least expensive way to get there. Parking somewhere cheaper or free would then have included a cab which would have been well over the $8. 


Saturday
1. Volunteering as a family in a community garden for a local church. Cost: $0;
2. Getting new tires on both cars. Cost: $LOTS, but still, a necessity;
3. Two-hour session at JumpStreet (trampoline playhouse). Cost: $0 - used a Groupon;
4. Frozen yogurt. Cost: $0 - used two Groupons;
5. Gorgeous scenic drive back home. Cost $0;
6. Watching my stepmom perform. Cost: $0 - with comped tickets;
7. Family TV. Cost: $0.


Sunday
1. Breakfast at home. Cost: $0;
2. Hanging out doing arts & crafts. Cost: $0 - used items we already have. 


But, next up is meeting The Bestie half way between our homes (me in Austin, she in Dallas). Sadly, there is little to do in the Blast-of-a-Town of Waco, Texas without spending money. We don't live there so we can hang out outdoors only for a period of time before we have to eat. Or go in from the Thunderstorms. Or not be sitting on a bench at a park like we are homeless nomads. So, I am going to have to determine what I find to be a necessity and what is a splurge. I'm prepared to pay to eat, but I'm not sure I can consider alcohol a "need." I'm prepared to pay to eat, but I'm not sure I can consider some fancy 5-star spot a "need." I'm prepared to have to spend some money, but I'm not sure I can consider a mani-pedi a "need."


I need to get ready to head out, so, like I said, this should be interesting. 

#37: What May May Bring?

Let's start by getting rid of my meatless April:

I really did just fine, but I have come to the conclusion that being vegetarian isn't healthy. At least not for me. I spent April tired, pale, energy-less, not feeling great, a little out of whack emotionally, a little under brain-powered. [I am not exaggerating - I swear I got back on the Meat Wagon for the last three days and I've been all kinds of energetic and lively.] I don't feel like I learned much about myself, it didn't stretch me in any meaningful way, it didn't change me or help me grow, I didn't feel significantly better. Basically, it wasn't powerful and it wasn't hard, but I really wanted to be done with it. And I am, so let's move on.

Grade: A-

==========================================================================

It's MEAT TIME!

It's also May and time for the new Challenge. May is NO SPENDING [except for bills and necessities]

Rules:
1. Necessities is not an interpretive word. That means I can't go out with my friends and decide I can only eat if I spend. I can't decide I'll die if I don't get that cute new purse at some store I shouldn't even be in. No matter how adorable an outfit for one of the kids is, I can't excuse it's purchase with how it won't be there in June. And no matter how great the deal is on Groupon/Living Social, can't buy it.
2. I can spend money on bills, groceries, gas and required specialty events/activities - i.e. Isaiah's 8th grade graduation is in May.
3. Other people can ABSOLUTELY treat, gift, buy. This doesn't mean that I can "forget my wallet" to take advantage, tho.
4. If there is something that money needs to be spent on, I have to find the most cost effective way to do so. For example, for Mother's Day cards, we bought the stuff to make them versus buy them for everyone.
5. I cannot give someone else money and then have it spent on me. This means that last night when I was trying to get Isaiah to take me out to dinner with some money he might "find" on the table, that was a NO-NO.
6. Car repairs, emergency situations, medical issues, spending on gas to drive out of town are considered necessities - as long as they MUST happen in May.
7. I am allowed to use my current Groupons/Living Social Vouchers but not spend a penny over their value.

So, we are three days in, so how is it going?

Let's start by talking about why I chose to make the month after no meat, a month of no spending? I mean what would have been a better reward to my April success then to be able to go to Teas Roadhouse for a huge steak or Fogo for all the meat I could eat? So Poorly Thought Out!

Next, if you read above, you might have noticed that twice in 7 items I mentioned Groupon and Living Social. This is precisely why I needed this Challenge. I have a list posted to my kitchen bulletin board with all of the current Groupons and Vouchers I own and need to spend. That list has well over 30 items. I have probably purchased 10 that went unused before they expired. I mean ... it's a problem.

So far, what I've noticed is that I am not eating junk food. We went on a big grocery shopping trip to Costco on Monday - April 30, by the way - and stocked up the house. I even bought all of these things I'd be able to take to work for lunch. So there is no excuse to eat out, no "necessity" to buy a pizza. I am feeling good about that - both physically and phinancially. I don't buy junk food for my house so that and not being able to spend really makes this a good exercise in my food intake too.

Also, The Boy has relinquished his financial control for the next couple of months so he is only able to spend when he can make a good case for it. That means I really don't have a way to spend even indirectly. But it also means for the first time in 5 Challenges he is really feeling the pain. About time!

Actually, this month is kind of fun because 2 of my staff + one of their spouses has jumped in on this. The couple are doing no TV (which I think is awesome and I might be adding to my list) and the other person is doing no spending with me (altho she broke yesterday and bought fries, but I've convinced her to keep pushing herself thru it and not count it as a failure). It's kind of fun to see other people doing Challenges also and doing ones of their own.

Tomorrow night is Kevin Hart live in concert here and that's got me a little worried. Parking may be a necessity, so I can approve that, but the drinks I'm going to want or the food at midnight when I'm tired and hungry will NOT be. And then this weekend is a lot of different out & about activities and a choir concert and dinner with The Bestie. How am I going to pull this off?

And Holy Hell -  why is May like the longest month ever?? I've looked at everything on the calendar and there is a lot. I guess I'll just have to get good at finding other things to do (which doesn't include eating out, movies, buying a new pair of heels). But, when there are necessities, I can take great pleasure in that purchase!

Or I can do what someone at work said to me tonight: Sounds like May is "Get Really Good at Getting People to Pay Your Way Month." Cute. And by "cute," I clearly mean "CORRECT!"

Get your wallets out people!!