Today it's compulsive.
And right on schedule.
March Challenges have a theme: How to Knock Out OCD in 31 Days.
Now, If I pull this off, therapists around the world can pay me for tips to help their clients. I've decided to attack my neurosis head on this month because, well, what better time to than now? So, in March it's:
(1) Stop biting & picking at my finger nails and cuticles, and
(2) Lose 10 pounds.
I have a thing about my anxiety and my compulsive & obsessive tendencies - they are a motor inside of me and I cannot control them. I try to ignore them most of the time, but when I am stressed, overwhelmed and/or emotional, I lose control of it. Those tendencies also worsen for me under extremes of emotion, stress and stress. They are part of my coping mechanism and they make me feel crazy.
I have come to recognize that instead of ignoring them, I should tackle them. So here is what's up:
I tend to pick at the skin on my finger tips, my cuticles and my nails. I pick more when I'm stressed or anxious. It's compulsive - I don't even recognize that I'm doing it. That is until I've picked one layer too far and drawn blood or made my skin raw. It's horrible. And painful. And ugly. And because it's something I do un/subconsciously, I want to try to recognize it and see the triggers and get them under control.
The weight loss is a little different. I mean, it's a clear and straight forward desire to lose weight. BUt the goal comes from my throwing around a lot fo diet and exercise goals that I could do and deciding against everyone of them because I can't do them perfectly. The obsessive side of OCD causes me to do nothing if I can't do it perfectly, all the way, best, 100%. As I considered each potential Challenge, I knew they would be something I would struggle with. And so I've continually done nothing because I'm paralyzed by this need to do it perfectly.
I decided that I would try a broader goal of losing 10 pounds. How I get there is not the focus, and therefore there isn't anything to obsess over. I just have to get to goal. I feel much better about it and I think it will help me launch a more specific goal around it in April.
I realize I didn't write anything down on March 1 as a starting point, including that I didn't put up any numbers of pictures. But I have made so much progress on both. SO MUCH. I'm very proud of my progress actually, which is why I decided to find the 10 minutes to get on the computer and write.
Goal #1: STOP BITING & PICKING AT MY FINGER NAILS AND CUTICLES:
I have a thing about my anxiety and my compulsive & obsessive tendencies - they are a motor inside of me and I cannot control them. I try to ignore them most of the time, but when I am stressed, overwhelmed and/or emotional, I lose control of it. Those tendencies also worsen for me under extremes of emotion, stress and stress. They are part of my coping mechanism and they make me feel crazy.
I have come to recognize that instead of ignoring them, I should tackle them. So here is what's up:
I tend to pick at the skin on my finger tips, my cuticles and my nails. I pick more when I'm stressed or anxious. It's compulsive - I don't even recognize that I'm doing it. That is until I've picked one layer too far and drawn blood or made my skin raw. It's horrible. And painful. And ugly. And because it's something I do un/subconsciously, I want to try to recognize it and see the triggers and get them under control.
The weight loss is a little different. I mean, it's a clear and straight forward desire to lose weight. BUt the goal comes from my throwing around a lot fo diet and exercise goals that I could do and deciding against everyone of them because I can't do them perfectly. The obsessive side of OCD causes me to do nothing if I can't do it perfectly, all the way, best, 100%. As I considered each potential Challenge, I knew they would be something I would struggle with. And so I've continually done nothing because I'm paralyzed by this need to do it perfectly.
I decided that I would try a broader goal of losing 10 pounds. How I get there is not the focus, and therefore there isn't anything to obsess over. I just have to get to goal. I feel much better about it and I think it will help me launch a more specific goal around it in April.
I realize I didn't write anything down on March 1 as a starting point, including that I didn't put up any numbers of pictures. But I have made so much progress on both. SO MUCH. I'm very proud of my progress actually, which is why I decided to find the 10 minutes to get on the computer and write.
Goal #1: STOP BITING & PICKING AT MY FINGER NAILS AND CUTICLES:
LEFT HAND -
notice good growth (there was NONE at the beginning of the month)
and only minor picking at the skin.
RGHT HAND -
notice good growth, worse picking
especially on the thumb
But trust me when I say that this is good progress.
Goal #2: LOSE 10 POUNDS.
It's the 10th and I've already lost 6 of the 10 pounds I set the goal for. I'm hoping this means that I will blow the goal out of the water!!!!
So, yes, emotional, exhausting, a little crazy0feeling. But good. Good progress, good being aware. Good is good.
